My Futon is Yellow

When I bought my futon last year it was green. Now it is yellow and dingy and smells like my man parts. Yes I smell my futon. Don't you. I think one year is considered a long life for something that is just a glorified body pillow. My comforter has also turned yellow. My futon and comforter matched when I first got them. They still match now.

Sun-bleached, sweat stained yellow


I remember when I first bought the futon and comforter. I got naked and rubbed my body all over them. You see I had spent the previous month sleeping on a pile of clothes... on the floor. I would put on my jacket and wear sweat pants because I would get cold at night. I balled up one of my coats and used it as a pillow at night. So when I got my futon and comforter I was so happy. They were so soft and smelled so good and just made me feel warm and fuzzy. The first night I slept on them was wonderful. I have only slept that well at a few other points in my life.

long story short. I think it is time to buy a new futon. Something swank and cool. Something with a large He-Man logo on it. None of that Doraemon evilness for me.

Knight Rant

Today is my sisters birthday. She is 29 now. She is intensely afraid of becoming 30. She thinks she will be old then. 30 isn't old, right? Legend has it, as I get older I place more faith in this, that 30 is the new 20. I'm 25 now and I recall how I looked at 20... I think I would prefer my 30 to be the new 16. I think that with the body I had then I could be fierce. (Gay word of the day!!!)

The guy at the convenience store next door has callouses across the palms of his hands. I touched them while he was handing me back my change. He shaved today. I think he likes me. He always runs to take my money. It doesn't matter how many people are already working on the counter. If he sees me he comes running. He has long hair. He is kind of cute. He is definitely older than me. I wonder how he got those callouses.

It is very easy to see that we evolved from apes when you look at Japanese people sit.

I envy my neighbors, Jam and Rag. (Of course those are not their real names!) They have been together for about 5 years now. That isn't what I envy though. I envy the way that they, especially Jam, are able to just say, without any hesitation what so ever, that they're gay. Like in a conversation Jam will explain his stance on something by saying that it is because he is gay. I think it is a poor argument, but still one that I would like to be able to make...

They are both older than me; about 28 I think. When I reach that age I hope I'll be able to easily say that I'm gay... Actually I don't. Big declarative statements like that are not really my style (even if they are cool.) I'm more inclined to let people know I'm gay by whispering to them about the sexiness of the guy with the smooth skin and the nice ass.

I hate MOHELA. BITCHES!!!

I have not seen my boyfriend in three or four weeks. I no longer think of myself as a needy bitch. I am allowed to demand an audience with him. I'm actually starting to not feel close to him anymore.

Is he trying to shut me out? This is what Robert did before we broke up....

An Awkward Moment

My roommate is currently in her room sobbing.
Yes. Sobbing.

She came home about fifteen minutes ago looking all glassy eyed and a wee bit defeated. She said she was gonna go hide in her room and cry for a bit and so she did.

She is. Now. Loudly with some horrible rock music playing. (she is so cliche at times.) I don't know if I should go knock on her door or not. Loud crying in my book is clearly a cry for help, but then again my roommate is a bit of a drama queen. I am a kind person and normally don't mind listening to her overly dramatized stories. Lately, she has been getting on my nerves a little with all this emotional crisis stuff. We work together on Thursdays and she is always complaining about her schedule. She doesn't like to 1-on-1 lessons. She thinks they are too difficult. She also doesn't like for any part of her schedule to change without her getting notice.

I got pissed last week and told her to stop complaining. We all have the same problems. It was actually more of a snap than a simple telling.

Oh shit she is teetering into my room and she is full of water.

the secret to surviving an exceptionally long time in a horror movie is to be as crazy if not crazier than the villain

Rules of Knight: Vol. 1

1. If your shorts fail to pass a certain point on your thigh you lose the right to speak. This rule goes for women and men. Along with your right to speak you also lose the right to make any kind of visual protest. Such is the penalty for taking on the form of a whore. I will stare at you and if you say a damn thing I will point at your partially exposed ass or your one-weight-shift-away-from-being-exposed penis and then slap you in the mouth to make you shut up.

2. Feel free to stare at the big black man. He has accepted that he is an anomaly in your everyday life, but the moment you say "Billy," "Bobby," "sugoi," or simply scream you place yourself in the hands of said big black man.

3. Do not offer a gay man a "massage-ee" at 4:45 in the morning. Actually do not off a "massage-ee" to any man after 3. Especially if you are clearly not able to handle a proper dicking.

Where are the Britney Spears fans of years past? Have they grown up? Have they suddenly realized the true lack of singing ability of their Red-Necked Deity? Have they, dare I say it, become Beyonce fans?

I say, "YES, DAMMIT!"

I have been reading about this Britney Spears VMA fiasco on countless blogs and news sites. I've heard that it is so legendarily un-Britney that people have begun to doubt that she will ever rise to her leathery red goodness of 2000. (If you're curious I'm referring to the only Britney video that I learned the moves to: "Oops, I did it Again.") She will never again make us beg for more of her nasally abuse like she did in 2002. ("Slave") This performance is soooo bad, but I can't find the damn thing anywhere.

The Beyonce fans and haters would and have ripped YouTube apart to put virtually every breath of the woman on the Internet. Can the Britney fans not do the same?

Or will they not do the same?

Perhaps those surviving few have decided that she can not be seen in this condition. They have buried her work and I feel that very soon they will bury her. Like any "great" pop figure her fans only want what is good about her to carry on. Her "sexiness", her "strong and beautiful" NASALLY voice, her *snicker* song writing ability, and lets not forget her ability to follow choreography.

Good Bye Britney Spears. I will miss you... and "not" have a party.