A new Feeling

For the first time in my life... wrong.

For the first time in a log time I feel at peace. Completely at peace. Normally I have some... thing swirling around in my head giving me all kinds of random stress. Not today though.

Is this how straight people feel?

Yeah that is a dumb question but one that I often find myself asking. I guess I could probably ask, "Is this how white people feel?" I think that would imply some racism or at least a bit of setting apart and feelings of inferiority in my mind. I don't feel inferior to straight people. I feel outnumbered. Overwhelmed. The one black sheep standing out in a see of flamingos. (You thought I was going to say sheep didn't you?)

Anyway the reason that I feel so peaceful is that I finally, as planned, told my parents that I was gay. It was an interesting experience. I'll talk about it in detail later. I'm still trying to iron the kinks out with my family. My parents seem to believe that they can pray the gay out of me. So during my now mandatory weekly calls home we pray for a couple of minutes after I tell them about my life here in Japan.

It is an arrangement that cannot last long. I don't want them hanging on to false hope, but I don't want to force them into some type of Pride parade. I took me a long time to become comfortable with myself and I want to be sure they have that same time, but I want them to realize that this thing is out of their hands.

Does that make sense?