adorable condoms

moving

I am moving to a new site. The blog will have the same name just more wonderful features... for me.

this way...

Mad as Hell: The Aftermath

You know this entry is a little late in coming. Actually it is very late in coming. If you recall in my previous entry I talked about Jun sleeping at my place one night. After he arrived and had fallen asleep my parents called me and I without thinking told them that my friend was over and was sleeping in my bed.

I recently came out to my parents and they are not taking it to well. So my parents took me innocently saying that my friend is sleeping in my bed as my FRIEND WHO I AM DATING AND PROBABLY FUCKED BEFORE YOU CALLED is sleeping in my bed. At the time of the call they acted with a great bit of calm. The following Monday I called my mom to just talk a bit. She seemed upset and cold. I assumed that maybe she and my father had had another argument or she was just not having a good day. So that call was very short.

The next day, a Tuesday, my dad called me in the morning and basically asked why I didn't care about the family and he informed me that I had made my mother upset by talking about my "friend." My father and I share similar tempers. If you speak to us suddenly with an accusatory and disrespectful tone we become instantly angry and... "loud." I unlike my father can resist the urge to scream for about 15 seconds. I used those seconds to inform my father that I will call him back and hung up.

I think I took about twenty minutes to eat a sandwich and talk to my guinea pig. Yes, I talk to animals and I like to believe that they don't understand a word I say.

After my twenty minute break I called my father back and we talked. Actually we argued. He accused me of not caring about my family. He expressed his desire to have grandchildren and he told me that being gay was a death sentence. He also implied that I was not a man because I was gay and then my mom came home. She got on the phone and the conversation shifted to religious reason for why being gay is wrong. I was told that being gay was a choice and if I wanted to I could change. They seemed shocked that I was not making an effort to change.

All of those things made me upset, pissed, and wee bit amused. I actually anticipated my parents eventually expressing those types of ideas. So ultimately I wasn't that upset.

I just get really frustrated with religious arguments. The bible which I haven't really studied deeply is, like all books, open to interpretation. I don't know most of those interpretations. My parents have their interpretation memorized and they hold it close to their heart. Anything that I say in opposition to their opinion is met with laughing and shouting.

Today I am reading some comments on homosexuality being caused by genetics and some of the comments are amazing. The arguments for and against homosexuality are very interesting. I have to admit that I am taking notes. I want to be better prepared for the next times my parents and I argue. It is so difficult and I would say unfair to try to argue with two people at one time.

I can tell that my parents still love me and are concerned about me, but right now their way of saying it is lacking in finesse. Normally I call home about 2 or 3 times a month. I am down to 1 maybe 2 now and I really don't have any desire to change that.

Dating

What is the point? Really. What is the point... the purpose of dating?

When I was younger I had very few opinions on the subject. It was another word for courting and therefore open to the scrutiny and teasing of parents and relatives. I have memories of my aunts pointing and cooing in that annoyingly condescending voice that adults use to tease children, "Oh look! They're courting." I don't think I know of any person who ever found that type of talk pleasurable.

Anyway, dating when I was younger was something to be avoided. As I grew older and realized that my penis did more than piss my opinion of dating changed. Dating became an unavoidable step to dependable booty. In some ways I still hold that opinion but now it is starting to change. Booty is important but I want more.

How much more?

I am not sure about that. A life commitment seems a bit big, but I think I just need to know that I am important to someone.

You know? How do you even asks someone about how important you are to them?

That type of question seems like a conversation killer. Like "POW," and the conversation is dead.

If a person succeeds in deciding how much more they want from dating then what?

Should they start dating people as if they were holding auditions? Is that what dating is for? To audition people? To see if they have that thing you want?

Yes, My Lord

Most of my friends know that I like anime. A lot. Some, a select few who are actually living on borrowed time, would call it an obsession. They are crazy and maintaining that theory is only a sign of their insanity.

My friend Dodzi has requested that I watch a new anime, Code: Geass. The spelling of the name is actually up for debate. I have seen it on the manga cover spelled as "Giess" but in the anime translation they spell it as "Geass". The spelling actually isn't important. Dodzi and I share similar taste in anime: violence, destruction, and great big fireballs. Dodzi likes a few of the cuter things too, but I don't hold it against him. Perfection just isn't right for every one.

Anyway Code: Geass is interesting. It has many good and bad points. Yes, I am going to count them off one by one.

Good:
1. The vast majority of the female characters in the show kick ass without being clad in only a few well placed shoe strings. There are a few exceptions, but they die or go crazy so it is OK. For an anime to not make the female characters wear next to nothing and kick ass is very strange, but this show does it well. It might be because the manga and anime were created by an all female group of artist called Clamp.

2. There are a pretty good amount of twists and turns in the story.
Example: An innocent and totally likable, lame female character who would normally never be able to kick a puppy suddenly goes "crazy" and orders the death of about 20,000 Japanese people.

3. The main character isn't perfect. He lacks fighting skills and his decisions are extremely questionable.
Example: He makes the aforementioned innocent character go crazy.

Bad:
1. 60% percent of the women are lesbians or totally sexless.


2. The soldiers are all tools. When the innocent character went visibly crazy they continued to follow her commands.

3. The main characters are stupid. Like really stupid.

4. The show is in Japanese but for some reason it suddenly slips into really awkward English. They say things like, "blah, blah, blah! Yes, my lord!" There is a whole list of English phrases that they say like that. It all sounds crazy.


I give Code: Geass a 3 out of 5. I believe Dodzi will argue with me about that, but as I have been told by some of my more understanding friends, the things that I say feel final. It is actually more than a feeling. It is a fact and one of these days Dodzi will understand that.

the pressures of this ol` world will not get me down...

Have you ever thought something extremely pricky and wanted to call someone up to tell it to them. That is the way I feel right now. My roommate is cooking french toast and I don`t think I like her jeans. I want to say something about it but i think that would be a little less than nice on my part.

I am feeling a bit tired right now and the filter between the evil portions of my brain and my mouth is being serviced right now.

Damn her ass looks big in those jeans.

More Pictures and Words

I hurt. Not all over. Just my legs. Actually everything from my ankles to where my butt joins my back and a little further hurts. Right now the pain isn't so bad, but I'm pretty certain that in the morning I will be in more than my pain will be a little more acute.

This morning Tomo sent me an e-mail about going hiking in a nearby mountain. I've never been hiking in a mountain so I said yes. I am really glad I did. I had a great time with him on Jokoji Mountain.

We hiked for about three hours and saw nature. Writing that I've seen Nature today feels a bit weird, but I live in a city. A big city. I have gone months without actually seeing a real tree (a real tree is any tree that hasn't been continuously manicured into a street accessory) or a real patch of grass.

I communed with NATURE today and it scared me a few times. I am deathly afraid of snakes and for some reason Ma Nature so fit to put no less than 500 little brown lizards on or near the path we were walking on and at one point she placed a small bird on the path right in front of me. I damn near stepped on it. It suddenly started screaming at my feet and running off. Of course I screamed, Tomo would call it a shriek... a girly shriek, but I am going to stick with scream.

At any rate Mother Nature had it in for me today. Here are some pics from the hike.

Some Pictures From My Day in Jokoji Mountain With Tomo

Aretha I am mad at you!

Mad As Hell

Recently I went on a bit of a rant about how I was going to release Jun back into the wild. Well I haven't. He came over last Monday, delivered my money AND dinner. You can't hand a guy who actually cooked you dinner his walking papers. At least not right away. So for now he is still in holding on death row.

Last night he stole my sleep. Yes, stole. He called my phone at like 3:30 in the motherfucking morning talking about coming over cause he was drunk and couldn't drive to his house and because I'm a bleeding heart I let his bitch ass come over and now I've been sitting on my couch since 4:15 because it is virtually impossible to sleep in the same bed as him. He is one of those people that parks themselves squarely in the center of the bed while wrapping themselves in the blanket.

Yes, you could say rude. Inconsiderate. ASSHOLE!!!

I am so freaking sleepy now, but I got stuff to do today which is why I will be tossing him out into the street in about one hour.

Japanese Culture: Chopsticks

Where the hell is Whitney?

I haven't breathed in about two weeks. I received some bad news from a friend of mine and felt like I should take an HIV test. So I did. I searched the Internet for links to an English speaking doctor that does HIV tests. I found one but he 10,000 yen. (basically 100 dollars.) In my opinion peace of mind has no price, so I was preparing to rip open my wallet and pay the money, but then this soft, sultry, sexy, sublime, wonderfully kind nurse said, "wait." She looked around and found a city health office that does HIV tests for free. I said thank you and went off in search of the office. I found the office last Monday and now I have my results.

This is where Ms. Whitney Houston would come in nicely. I need her to come out and sing that class jam from the movie Waiting to Exhale. I have been waiting for seven days for a little Japanese woman in a lab coat and red class to give me two thumbs up and a smile.

I love that woman and I love Whitney. I was so happy that I didn't even take the train back home. I walked and sang Shoop the entire way.

I am so happy, but at the same time I feel a little sad. I got good news today, but somewhere someone didn't get such good news. There was a man waiting to see the doctor too. He was actually before me and he looked so nervous. I sat beside him and I could hear his shallow nervous breathing. I didn't talk to him, but I do hope that his news was as good as mine. No one should have to wait in that condition, but then again every one should take steps to ensure that they don't find themselves in that situation.

He left quickly after leaving the doctors office. I hope he is well. Perhaps Whitney should get tested too.

Australians on Televangelist

10000 BC

You have got to be shitting me. What the fuck is up with the beautiful blue eyed, perfectly made up useless white bitch running around this movie? Why the white people look so clean?

Why?

Who is trimming his beard? Who? Tell me. Please. Why does he have so many muscles? Isn't this supposed to be 10,000 B.C. Shouldn't he look a little hungrier. Dirtier. More ignorant?

I don't think that I, in good conscience, could watch this movie. I would make jokes the entire time. This movie just had the whole white Jesus feel going for it. You know like in those old religious movie that every one's mom, grandmother, or aunt has on a VHS cassette somewhere in their house. The one's with Charlton Heston. That might be Spartacus, but you get the idea.

This movie is going to suck.

why is there guinea pig hair in my mouth?

I recently got a very nice email from Peanut. It made me smile and jump around a little bit. Unfortunately I haven't replied to the mail yet, but I probably will after I finish this entry. He has received a fellowship or grant or just something incredible from a university in Florida and he has gotten married. I am amazingly happy for him, but also amazingly jealous. He's probably going to read this and call me a bitch or something. I don't care. I'll be jealous.















Anyway, I think I'm going to be bringing one of my more tumultuous friendships to an end very soon. I've been trying for quite sometime to break myself free of Jun, but it has been more than a little hard. I hate to see anything end. It is so bad at times that I will put off finishing a book for days... weeks even. I have been doing that with Jun, but now the Jun saga has taken a very interesting turn.





His ex-boyfriend has appeared and has brought with him some of the juiciest gossip I have ever heard. Apparently Jun has:


been arrested


been to jail


been involved with illegal gambling


reneged on about 80,000 yen of rent


punched a hole into some one's wall


lobbed dishes at the same some one's head


had sexual relations with a twelve year old boy while in Germany


and many more things that just boggle the mind





At first I didn't want to believe the ex-boyfriend but the more I thought about it the more it all started to seem true. It makes perfect sense. All of these allegations add up to an individual that I really don't think I should be associating with especially while in a foreign country. So it is with a heavy heart that I have decided to officially release him back into the wild AFTER he gives me back my 10,000 yen.

no title today

I really don't have much of anything to say right now. I received an email from one of my friends earlier today and it has filled my mind damn near to bursting. So I have nothing that I can report about right now.

I have to see a few things through quickly before I can pick up being... boring and opinionated.

I saw this picture in a french fashion male fashion magazine. I didn't really get the fashion part. The caption said the guys were supposed to be minotaurs. I just thought they looked hot and scary.

Oh my god! A sexy man sculpture!

Tantrum and Inquiry

Like most people who work I hate monday. Hate it. Despise it. I feel nothing but a deep loathing of it the moment the clock strikes 12:01 a.m. on Tuesday morning. Monday is the monkey that sits on my shoulder poking me in the head with a stick, but not for the normal reasons.

I don't hate going to work. I love it. My job allows me to stand on a soapbox and basically preach the gospel according to Knight all day with very little or no opposition. Its is heaven until I think about the one part of work that I don't like: my Monday kids classes. I only have two of them, but they both are evil in their own special way.

My first class is full of 3 adorable, wonderfully well behaved little girls and a boy. They are all about 4 or 5 years old. The girls like to climb on me and the boy, who we will call Damien (yes, from that movie.), likes to ignore me, ruin games, and occasionally harass the girls. The girls if left to their own devices would probably take turns beating his ass until he started behaving properly, but I can't let that happen because I am a good teacher or something.

The last Monday Damien decided to have a moment in my class. I had all the students sitting around me, which actually means they were laying all over me like a group of flies on a dead bloated cat. We were playing a game where they had to guess the name of an object before their classmates. If they guessed correctly they got the card. Damien actually did pretty well at the beginning of the game, but, because he refuses to listen to anything I say in class, could not guess any of the other cards.

The girls did really well and I let them know it. I like to praise my students. Well Damien saw this and decided to throw a fit. He threw the two cards he had won, started crying, and proceeded to stomp around the classroom kicking cushions.

I was shocked.

I had never done that before. He likes me. Well outside the classroom he like me. He actually gives me a new Disney postcard everytime he comes to class. In class he is a different animal all together though and this day he was just a screaming crying animal.

At first I didn't know what to do with him. I just kinda stared at him with my mouth open and then I started to channel my mother. I picked him up and sat him on the cushion and told him to stop crying now. Of course, he is japanese, four, and hysterical so my words were absolutely useless. He did stay on the cushion though. I continued class with him wailing and eventually was able to convince him to say pizza.

Next time he does that I think I'm gonna sit him in the corner or something. I carry him out to his mother.


So that was my first kids class this last Monday. My next one is usually bad, but the loud mouthed annoying child was absent so I could actually tolerate the shinaningans of the crazy child with bad skin better.



But I had my adult students to deal with. I have this one adult student, a elemntary school teacher, who speaks english at a really high level. We have great conversations about politics, fashion, movies and all kinds of other interesting things. THis last Monday I stepped up on my soapbox and preached about the dumbness of wearing a mini skirt in the middle of winter. She said that with long boots it is okay. I countered that if your bear leg is exposed to the winter elements and you walk around shivering and basically chanting, "I'm cold. I'm cold. I'm cold.", you are an idiot and deserve to be sprayed with cold water.

I think I argued my opinion so strongly that her faith in my straightness was shaken. As class was coming to a close she started asking me about having children and I said that I will probably adopt because the chances of me having kids are very slim, and then she asked me if I like girls.

At first I didn't understand her question cause there was absolutely no segue from adoption to girls. So I asked her if she meant like little girls to adopt and she is like no. She meant women. She caught me way off guard. So since class was ending I quickly muttered that, "Girls are Ok. I guess," and kinda bolted out the room.

SHE ASKED ME IF I WAS GAY!

I think she is trying to get me fired. Me being gay is not a proper topic to discuss with students... I think. It's weird. I hope that the next time she takes my class she talks about something safe like pie recipes. I actually told her how to make peach cobbler. She'll never try it, but I solidified my coolness in her mind, and probably my gayness.

There's Something about Barry

Whenever I mention to students that I have a guinea pig as a pet I get some pretty interesting faces. Actually I only get two faces, the "Are you fucking with me?" face and the "Why the fuck does this grown-ass man have a giant hamster as a pet?" face. I get the latter of the two more often. Of course any person with a vagina immediately starts screaming, "Kawaii!!!!", at me the moment I show them Barry's picture. (kawaii = mind-numbling cute... actually the mind numbing part my be a side effect of the squeel with which is delivered.)

Barry Bonds is cute. He is quite possibly the cutest guinea pig I have ever seen, but then again I had never seen a guinea pig up close before. The damn things are big rodents. rodents have teeth. Teeth hurt.

My roommate actually sold me on the idea of getting a guinea pig as a pet. She kept telling me about how docile and well adjusted to captivity they are. I didn't believe it but then I saw some pictures online and could not beleive their cuteness. I had to get a guinea pig and so I did.

But now Barry is a little anooying at times. I think I might have to give him the pigeon treatment. When he gets hungry he has developed the habit of "dancing." Around 6 or 7 in the morning he starts jumping around his cage throwing his head around and shaking his body. His cage is made of wire and so his dancing is really really loud and aggravating. SO I hop up and feed him as quickly as possible to make him stop dancing. It works but only until he is hungry again.

about that time again

The weather here in Nagoya is very similar to the weather back in my hometown. Hot like sticky balls in the summer and, uh..., bearable in the winter. Well it is bearable if you don't have ice in your veins like most of the women I know.

Anyway, winter in nagoya is starting to give way to spring and the animals are starting to come back. Actually in this city there are no real animals just pigeons. Lots and lots of shit raing down on your laundry, nesting outside your window, cooing at six in the fucking morning pigeons.

Yes, I don't fucking like pigeons. It looks like I'm gonna have to do some spring cleaning again. In Japan it is customary to give your house a really good cleaning during the first few days of the year. I think that is crazy. Although the winter here in Nagoya is bearable I see no reason for pushing your luck by running around scrubbing down shit with a wet towel in your hand in the MIDDLE OF WINTER!!! I am, for the sake of my hands, going to stick to the Western tradition of doing spring cleaning.

I am actually preparing for it right now by looking for a good air powered pellet gun.

Yes. A gun.

Last year I used a pot of scolding water to "clean" the pigeons. It worked for about a month. This year I am thinking about something a little more extreme. I'm gonna take out like two or three pigeons and hang their rotting stinking carcasses on the net surrounding my balcony. I think that seeing the bodies of their fallen comrades displayed proudly will deter any new pigeons from attempting to nest on my balcony and will subsequently allow me to sleep until 8:30 on a regular basis. (Birds usually start making noise around the crack of dawn. Truly unacceptable.)

I know that hunting pigeons on my balcony my get me branded as a crazy man by my neighbors, but I don't care. I am tired of looking out onto the balcony and seeing bird shit. Besides I need to practice my shooting anyway. I think I may be a bit rusty.

Who is gonna miss a few pigeons anyway?

The newest edition to the family of Knight

BARRY BONDS, BITCHES!!!

Finally the floor apears...

Yeah. It is true. I can finaly see the floor in my room. Last year I complained a lot about my roommate's apparent inability to do any thing that remotely resemble cleaning. Well this year I can't do that. At least not yet at least. I have become a slob. SLOB!!! It is really dreadful. Today for no less than the sixth time in three weeks I am trying to clean my room. Like I said the floor has finally appeared and it is usually at this point that I decide to go play a game or something and then the room slips back into its normal state of disaster, but not today! I am going to stick with it.

Actually writing in my blog qualifies as doing something else, but as I it has been a long time since I wrote here so I figured I should do it while the urge is on me... no matter how counter productive it is for the state of my room.



I recently came close to giving one of my adult students a panic attack in class.
It was one of those rare days when I only have one student in class. This student is a very quiet 28 year old woman. I have her for two different regular classes and have pretty much built a good relationship with her. The only problem is that she is... quiet. (I think I said that already.) ANyway, the whole quiet thing seems to be a Japanese trait. Silence has transcended gold and soared straight into diamond status. THis lady has lots of diamonds because of that.

in the book that day we were supposed to do a mock police interogation. I knew I couldn't depend on her to ask questions so I took on the role of cop and she was the suspect. I questioned her about a robbery that took place in the book. A painting or something. I started out like they do in the movies.

Me: Hello. I'm Detective Knight. I have a few questions for you.
Student: Ok.
Me, being as nice and sweet as possible: So on the friday in question did you have lunch?
Student: Yes, I did.
Me: That is nice. Where?

We went back and forth like that for a few minutes with me taking notes and trying to lull her into a false sense of security. Since we have spent so much time togther she fell for it. When I knew she was feeling nice and happy about her interogation I got a little rough.

Me: So do you like art? (smiling)
Student: Yes, I love it.
Me: Is that why you stole the painting? (no expression)
Student: What painting?
Me, standing suddenly and gesturing at her with my finger: The painting that you stole on friday?
Student: WHAT?!?!?!

It is at this point that she started to turn a little red. I realized that she was getting a little nervous but since I'm a sadistic fucker I kept at it. I made her go over all the details of her alibi like three times. I laughed in her face. I was a complete dick. Finally her face was like blood red and then her eyes got watery and I started laughing with her and told her to calm down.

(Of course I am exagerrating... a little)

I thought she was gonna run screaming out the room. She was a good sport about it though. I told her that she should never ever go to jail cause I can see her just pissing in the seat after too long.

There Are Bad People In The World

Osaka burglar smothers newborn, ties up mother

OSAKA (Kyodo) A 2-week-old boy in Moriguchi, Osaka Prefecture, was killed Wednesday night by a suspected burglar who sealed the baby's lips and nose with adhesive tape to stop him from crying, police said.
A tarp covers the crime scene Thursday where police continue to investigate a murder-burglary in Moriguchi, Osaka Prefecture, in which a 2-week-old baby was killed. The burglar also tied up the baby's 22-year-old mother, Izumi Yamanaka, after he broke into her house and made away with about ¥50,000 in cash — which was a gift celebrating the birth of the baby, Reiya.
Yamanaka's 48-year-old mother found the two when she came home around 11:20 p.m. She called police and the baby was taken to a hospital, where it was pronounced dead, police said. Yamanaka went out to the entrance of the house when she heard the intercom ring around 6 p.m. She left the door unlocked after she found nobody there, and about 45 minutes later a man broke into the house, police said.
Police quoted Yamanaka as saying that the man — dressed in black and wearing a black knit cap, a white mask and white gloves — put the adhesive tape on the baby's lips after it started crying in its crib in the first floor living room.
The man also bound Yamanaka and tied her to a refrigerator with adhesive tape, police said in quoting her. He searched through the house for about 15 minutes and left. The man was about 170 cm tall, police quoted Yamanaka as saying. The baby's grandmother also told police she saw marks on the body suggesting the newborn was beaten.

A new Feeling

For the first time in my life... wrong.

For the first time in a log time I feel at peace. Completely at peace. Normally I have some... thing swirling around in my head giving me all kinds of random stress. Not today though.

Is this how straight people feel?

Yeah that is a dumb question but one that I often find myself asking. I guess I could probably ask, "Is this how white people feel?" I think that would imply some racism or at least a bit of setting apart and feelings of inferiority in my mind. I don't feel inferior to straight people. I feel outnumbered. Overwhelmed. The one black sheep standing out in a see of flamingos. (You thought I was going to say sheep didn't you?)

Anyway the reason that I feel so peaceful is that I finally, as planned, told my parents that I was gay. It was an interesting experience. I'll talk about it in detail later. I'm still trying to iron the kinks out with my family. My parents seem to believe that they can pray the gay out of me. So during my now mandatory weekly calls home we pray for a couple of minutes after I tell them about my life here in Japan.

It is an arrangement that cannot last long. I don't want them hanging on to false hope, but I don't want to force them into some type of Pride parade. I took me a long time to become comfortable with myself and I want to be sure they have that same time, but I want them to realize that this thing is out of their hands.

Does that make sense?

Sissy Boy Slap Party

Documentary about small penis Syndrome

THis documentary was very interesting and not at all disgusting.

My computer may be sick

I just got a message that said my computer was infected with a trojan. Like just a moment ago or something.

Does anyone kow how to kill a trojan?