This is my little sister, Meany! That is how you spell her name too. "Meany!" Anyway she is in the box that my suitcases came in. One of my friends suggested that she was rejoicing in a small way. She supposed to be rejoicing because I'm leaving soon. I guess my luggage just solidified the deal. 

Morning rant...SCREAM!

Right now I actually have about three of these things floating around the internet. They all basically says the same thing too. Actually 4 if you count my journal. I've had that journal for about 5 years now. I've stopped writing in it. Its pretty cool. I like it. I was a nut when I first came out of high school. Now I'm a little more reserved. Some would even say calm, but I do have my moments where my nuttiness comes flying out again.

What does all of this have to do with anything? Nothing really. I'm just flowing in my mind. That's all. It's early. I'm sick of my job. It's killing me. Cingular. FUCK YOU!!! Customers. FUCK YOU EVEN MORE!!!

I hate people. Especially people who feel that not having enough money to pay their bill this month (because their bitch as can't control their calling habits) gives them special license to call in and act a complete fool with poor innocent people like me. I have yet to understand how some people can blaze through three telephones in a year. I had my first phone for a year and a half. It was stolen. I had my second phone for three years and now I have my third phone. I have never had a single problem that I could blame on a phone company with my cell phone. My bill has always been right (that is with ATT and Cingular) and my phone has never died.

I don't fucking get what people are doing and I am sick of not being able to say anything back. I understand that holding my tongue is a part of the job. I understand that in customer service we are there to serve the customer. I understand this. I agree with this. But the part about allowing people act as though I am a fucking moron. I don't agree with. The part that says I will be someone's scratching post. I don't agree with. That is bullshit. People are shitty.

It is not all the customers' fault though. I work with some shitty people. I hate people who don't fucking do their job the first fucking time. I hate them because the customer will call right back in and bitch me out because they are aggravated. I would be aggravated too. Hell half of the time I am aggravated with them but, as I have said, or as I have suggested, being mad does not give you special privileges. (shit I can't spell) I have been angry several times in my life. That doesn't mean I would go and liberally apply my anger to every one that I see. I have student loans. There were times during my time in college were my loan company would drag their fucking feet for over a month and a half. During that time I would have to get by on nickels and dimes. Was I pissed yes. Did I call them on the regular, yes. Did I allow my frustration to lull me into the belief that I am allowed or even entitle to the right to call in and go off on "Anne" who has just started her shift at work and has never in her life touched my account or even heard of my name? NO! "Anne" is a person just like me. "Anne" probably does not have her job by choice. "Anne" in all actuality does not give a shit and me shouting and cursing and vocalizing my frustration will not do anything but make what little desire "Anne" had to help me shrivel up and die. Trust me. It is true. I've been "Anne." I was "Anne" yesterday. Stupid bitch ass people who don't take the fucking time to read their fucking bill have killed my desire to help.

Maybe that's why some of my coworkers don't do their job. To many bitches have gotten to them. Wait I forgot the most aggravating part of this entire equation. Cingular. That bitch of a company has frozen every one's vacation. Well every one in customer care. For the month's of January and February. And let us not forget the last three weeks of December. If you made the mistake of not scheduling your vacation for these month's back in October you are screwed. It doesn't even matter if you are truly sick and really need to go the doctor. You will get written up. The any reason that Cingular can give for blocking all of our vacation is that our customer's have had to wait an unacceptable amount of time on hold and that they have scheduled a shitload of things to do in the month of February. Fuck Cingular and Fuck their fucking schedule.


I hate my job. Which is why I'm quitting in two and a half weeks! I can't wait until I start my new job.

Yay to me. I am becoming sick. I believe I have kidney infection. I think that it may be something else, but ai will only allow myself to believe it is something minor... that can be fixed by pills and not surgery.

Realization

Realization is a slow and horrible thing. Maybe not realizaton. Awareness. Aware. I never fully become aware things, realize things until I should be asleep. Now for instance, I should be asleep right now. But, I am awake. Why you ask. Porn. Plain and simple. I'm addicted. Probably like half... the entire male populaton of this country.

I don't think I answered the question. Porn is why I was awake, but I am awake now because I have become aware. Aware of the fact that even though I have told several people I'm going to Japan to work, I am actually going to Japan to live. I'm moving to Japan. To live, for a short while. Three years hopefully.I'm freaking out a little . A lot. I'll be alone. I just became aware of that. I realized it.

Maybe I'll sleep now.

introducing myself to Strangers

I couldn't sleep last night. It was like three in the morning and I just decided to do a little work. I added some pictures to this thing. Played with the color and wrote letter to my new coworkers in Ogaki. The letter I wrote was pretty crappy. I told them I was excited about coming to work with them... three times. I actually counted in the letter. I made it into a joke really. I hope they know that writing letters to people you have never met is really hard.

I'm supposed to write a greeting for the kids too. One of my coworkers, Spencer, told me to send a picture with it. I think I found one that's okay. I actually don't like it. I don't like picture's of myself. I prefer to take pictures of other people or things. Me I'm just not photo worthy. Anyway I'm about to go bathe a few cars.

Y'know I actually think these entries are getting worse.

Fantasy

This is gonna be quick.

The company I'll be working for in March has finally sent my Diploma back to me. (I have my BA in english and sociology.) They only had the damn thing for about a month and a half.

I having a hard time focusing my thoughts. My mother has pumped me full of every medicine she could find in our cabinet. I have a cold... I think.

Um, I never really explained what I'm doing did I?

I'm moving to Japan in March. I'l be teaching for this charming little company called Aeon Amity. I'll be teaching english conversation to children and adults. I'm not gonna lie and say it is my dream job because its not. My dream job involves me being a slightly known author with a small cult following who allows me to finance a life of reasonable comfort. reasonable comfort being me living in a samll apartment above my bookstore. That's my dream job. My dream life. This job in Japan is simply a dream oppurtnity.

At any rate I would be foolish to pass this oppurtunity up. I have a little experience teaching. I've tutored high school students and advised college students on essay writing (even though you couldn't tell it here.)


Anyway I have this amazing opurtunity to go to Japan and teach children. Of course I'm taking it. I sent the company my degree a while ago so they could get my certificate of eligibility together. That litle thing basically says that I am eligible to obtain a work visa because I'll be doing this. They had my diploma for a while. I finally received it back today. (The fricking FedEX woman scared the shit out of me.)

In the cute little package that the company sent me there were some handouts on teaching at Amity. I read through them and they destroyed my world. They did it. Those hussies! I was reading one of the handouts on handling the class. In the middle of the page was a simple sentence,

"Discipline when Necessary."

*sigh*

my dreams. such simple things. discipline.

I thought the children were supposed to be angels. I just didn't imagine I would ever have to discipline children. I just had this wonderful vision of the children having little slanted eyes, round faces, shiny black hair and great big smiles. I just can't imagine them with devilish little horns an malicious grins challenging me in Japanese.

Damn. That was quick. I actually want to write more, but like I said I'm a bit drugged up. actually very drugged up.

I'm gonna lay down and allow the realities of disciplining children drain slowly from my ears. Children are nice.


I actually write better than this. I'm just way out of practice.

STARTING FRESH

This is a new experince for me. Well not new really. Displaying my thoughts "anonymously" is not all that strange and experience for me. I have another journal, diary, blog?... THING on a different website. http://www.opendiary.com/ My name is Ignats on that website. If for some reason you find yourself curious about the ancient ramblings of an uninteresting 23 year old black gay man feel free to go read. Actually I'm not really being fair to myself with that statement. I'm not nearly as simple to catagorize. Hmm, that wasn't really a simple category. 20 something, black, gay, male... hmmm. That's 4 categories with about a billion different expectations in each of them. At any rate that is not really the reason that I'm starting this damned thing.

A blog. BLAH!

Whoa made that stupid name. Anyway, I'm starting this thing because I'm preparing for a wonderful little move. I am leaving the country to live in Japan.