i love you AK

but i checked your weather...you had a high of 86 and it got all the way down to 73 at night...are you fucking kidding me...stop fucking whinning. i thought you was some exotic well-hung african. you sound like a fucking pussy. 86 is fucking paradise and a low of 73 you could wear a fucking jacket.

I think the heat yesterday may have just been extended four play.
THe heat today is some great big sweaty nasty man coming in with an 18 inch erection aimed at your unlubed ass.

Peeping Tom

I think the people in the apartment building across the street are dead. They haven't turned their lights off in about 2 weeks. Trust me. I'm sure of this. You see lately I've taken to pissing off of my balcony because I'm too lazy to put on a pair of underwear and hobble to the bathroom. I would go naked, but my roommate is often still awake when I'm naked and have to pee.

So I piss off the balcony in full view of a busy street. But at night time my balcony is really dark and I live on the 10th floor. So if some one looked up they would just see a weird stream of water and a dark ominous figure.

Anyway. I think their dead. Once about three weeks ago I saw someone walking around in a pair of boxer shorts, but nothing else since then. I look every night. No action. Their dead.

11:48am

The sun has already been up for about seven hours. You would never know it though. The sky is this horribly depressing dingy cotton color that promises, with all that it has, to hold in ever last drop of heat and humidity that comes our way. The pavement outside my apartment building is bearing witness to that promise by clawing at my face with a steady heat that threatens to burn any foot that is left unprotected for too long.

Inside, my apartment is echoing the heat. My little fan, which isn't so little, seems to only be propelling hot air around the room. There is no relief to be had. I have an air conditioner, but stinginess is keeping me from turning it on. I wonder how long that will last.

The gas man came this morning. I wore a pair of skimpy shorts and tried to scare him. Well not really skimpy, but they are a slightly ripped pair of old basketball shorts. They outline my dick perfectly. But in typical old man Japanese fashion he ignored my penis and went running around taking measurements from my gas connections.

I even posed beside the door. You know with my hands over my head and a real seductive "you know you want to get some look," but he just continued to scurry about doing his business. I was hurt. Well not really. There isn't to much I want to do with an old Japanese man in a khaki uniform.

Trailer Madness

OK, so I finally have found my own trailer, it is only 7 minutes from the mall, super easy to get to if you know how to get to the mall. I get to move in on August 10th, I can't wait. This means I can have guests. Which means some of you HAVE to come and visit me. Ya'll can start applying for time shares now!!!!!!

OK. Tell me am I one of the few people in the country who really gets turned off at the thought of even approaching a trailer. That doesn't even include going into it or worst of all living in it.

Maybe I'm a bit uppity and shit but i just hate them. I imagine tornadoes, floods, vibrating and rotted floors, weird smells and people best known as "trailer trash."

I just can't do it. I can't get excited about a damn trailer.

The Words Flow Easily At Night Pt. 2

You know, perhaps you don't know, I am the type of person who looks for incredibly profound meaning in the most mundane speech. I don't know if it is because of my studies in English Literature at university or because of my somewhat intense religious upbringing, but I find myself jotting down things people say, taking mental note of the "miracle" of light in a dark room, or just some other plain thing. Like I want to take pictures or dictate my thoughts all the time and then mull over them for gold.

I guess I feel that one day I will stumble across that meaning. I'll stomp, with leaden boots, into profound understanding, and then with a shopping cart full of toilet paper, toothpaste, sliced turkey, lube, and the newest golf game stroll out of Wal-Mart into a life that will not care that my lead boots have been changed to gold in the streams of Nirvana.

Is that a sad thought?

Let me get to the point. I have been hearing the same question repeatedly. Usually in a teasing way or in reference to sex, "What are you looking for?"

As far as questions go its crazy profound. Well to me it is. I have more than once been thrust in a puddle (I'm really simple.) of deep thinking about my future when all that was required was a reply of, "ashi san-ju ni." (That means foot size 32. Well as best as my non-Japanese speaking mind can muster. Shoe salesmen get it and then look horrified and start shaking their heads.)

Every time some asks, "what are you looking for?" my week or day is ruined, because I don't know. I don't think I've ever known and that is what is truly disturbing. I've never had a fucking clue about what I want to be doing or simply am doing. I mean I know, but I don't know why. What is my fucking motivation?

I've been sliding along by the seat of my pants for years and I know that at some point I will have to stand up and walk... somewhere.

My PSP just finished charging.

Maybe I'm working myself up over nothing but sometimes I worry that I can't help myself.

The Words Flow Easily At Night

It is almost 4am. I am tired, but I have no desire to sleep. I suppose on a night like this drinking would be a good idea, but I have no desire to do that either.

My roommate is in the other room singing like a wounded dog. That is actually unfair. She, for some reason not immediately obvious to me, has been feeling extremely depressed lately. It has only lasted for two days (that I know of). I, honestly, am only worried a little. She is the kind of person who wallows in her despair. I'm sure that she doesn't, but some times it seems as if she likes being miserable. She creates these little dramas around herself out of nothing. To my mind it often seems a bit self-destructive. I find it hard to invest a lot of myself, emotionally, in that.I see this as something she can pull herself out of if she wants to. She has no reason to be depressed aside from her lack of a consistent sleep pattern (I have told her several times to go see a sleep therapist about that shit. There is simply no reason to be awake for three days. and her sedentary lifestyle.

I just found one of those Frisk mints stuck to my balls. Of course I ate it.

I feel that am currently being "thing-ified." Recently I met two guys on the Internet. One of the, an Australian, all but raved about his unfulfilled fetish to be fucked by a black guy. The other guy asked me about six times to see my a picture of my dick. I sent him one, grudgingly, but then he asked for another at a better angle. He then asked for measurements and is basically so thrilled that he is all but running naked into my bedroom on Sunday.

I don't know if I'll let him. As much as I like sex I like feeling like an actual person more. In parts of the world I am exotic, i understand that, but I wish I could tell people to not look at me simply as the sum of my differences compared to you. Look at me as A. Knight. A great guy who kicks ass at Hot Shots Golf for the PSP.

I had a pretty interesting conversation with a student the other day. She was a pretty high level student and somehow we managed to dance our way from her insanely inspiring organization techniques (she has the last 11 years scheduled down to the hour) to why she simply cannot understand gays. I actually am responsible for steering the conversation there. You see I have a deep subconscious need to talk to someone other than my friends about gay issues. A new voice you could say. I would love to talk with a sensible (not trying to get some booty) older Japanese man or if there is no other option available woman.

So the conversation was there. I had just suggested that she watch Brokeback Mountain, Beautiful Boxer, and proven my knowledge about Boys Don't Cry. After laughing hysterically at the concept of gay cowboys she suddenly blurted, actually this woman never blurts. Anything she says is careful and thought out without seeming that way. She said in a strong voice that she doesn't really understand gays. Well she understands lesbians, but men she doesn't get.

I was tongue tied at that point. I wanted to say so many things, but to start that conversation I would had to have been like I'm gay. She may have actually already picked that up. She is a very smart woman. While I was stammering for a response she mentioned that when she was younger she wanted to be a boy because she finds girly roles to be stupid. We then talked briefly about the lameness of Japanese girls and then time was finally up. I all but sprinted out of the classroom.

"Me Gay" was like doing that dancing baby on the tip of my tongue. But I couldn't say anything.

My life seems to be full of fear when it comes to expressing myself as gay. Like with my family. I am planning to go home in August to visit my family, and I keep telling myself the the main reasons I'm going home to go shopping and to see my family, but I know the real reason is that i want to give them a clue or at least knock them out of the denial that they are possibly in. Every time I admit that I start finding reasons to not do it like the simple fact that my parents are nutty and need to get a fucking divorce.

I'm gonna tell them. FEAR WILL NOT RULE MY LIFE!!!

My roommate just offered to let me read her blog. It is on livejournal. For a moment my curiosity got the best of me. I was so close to accepting, but then I realized that at some point she would want to read my blog, and all though I am good at being incredibly honest with myself I find that there is only so much truth I am willing to share with other people. Especialy when the other person sleeps about 15 feet from me.

Besides she would only get depressed if she realized that the threat of her vagina is keeping me from ever drinking alone with her again or that I thought she was a bit of slob. She would really freak out if she knew that I seretly felt that she was just fucking pitiful for spending 10 hours sitting in front of her computer to watch the enitre first season of Heroes.

That is no exagerration. Actually it might be, but that number came directly from the horses mouth. She sat at that computer on her day off and watched the entire show and then had the nerve to complain that her eyes hurt. Se is always sitting at her computer. I really can't talk. I only occasionally leave to do other things, but she stays up late at night on the damn computer. Every night. It is sad. She is like a bump on a log.

I'm performing a test. I washed the dishes in the apartment and took out the trash and cleaned off the table. I want to see if she will take any steps to help extend the time that these things stay clean. If she does I won't say anything. If she doesn't I'm gonna start requesting that she wash her dishes within 12 hours of using them. !2 hours is a stupid number and hopefully she will be so aggravated about keeping up with it that she will just wash her shit right away.

I know that is a bit roundabout but we have got to find a way to get rid of these damn flies and I think that minimizing the amount of standing water in the sink would help with that. She always has some shit soaking for like 4 days. The flies nest in that nasty shit and I am tired of feeling them bumping against me when I walk. It is nasty.

Yes I live in a fucking sty.

Elderly man fires BB pellet at boy's head for ignoring warning

KAWASAKI -- A 74-year-old man who shot a 6-year-old boy in the head with a BB gun after the boy ignored his warning not to play on the street has been arrested, law enforcers said.
The man, Yutaka Seki, was arrested on suspicion of inflicting injuries on the 6-year-old in the incident in Kawasaki-ku on Sunday.
Police said that Seki fired a shot at the boy, a first-year elementary school student, on a road near his home in Kawasaki at about 4 p.m. on Sunday. The plastic BB pellet hit the right side of the boy's head, leaving him with injuries that were expected to take about two days to heal.
Immediately beforehand, the boy was playing with three other children including his older sister, sounding the horn of their father's vehicle. When Seki told them off, telling them not to play in the street, the boy reportedly told him to shut up.
Infuriated, Seki went back into his home and brought out a BB gun, and when the boy returned to the area, Seki fired the shot at him, police said.
The boy told his father, who was at home, about the shooting, and the father and the boy accompanied Seki to a local police box, where they reported the incident.

~From Mainichi Daily News

Some Pictures That These Cute Kids Drew of Me the Other Day

思い出した

did the A(mazing) Knight run out of shit to talk about? the rain stopped...the average human doesnt give a fuck but when you ride a bike 10 kilos a day to work things like the rainy season matter. so one electric shock incident (an unfortunate occurence while cleaning the hotel pool), one near fatal bike crash (brakes do not work in the rain...do not go down the hill) , a wet (ie no longer functioning) mp3 player and electronic dictionairy later i am dried out..now buddha has left us with just the regular heat and humidy that makes me feel like im chilling in a swanp near the gulf. dont you wanna come to okinawa?

yesterday i snapped...i may need a new roomate and atleast half a body bag soon...(no im not going to eat half of him hes just a small chinese guy and theres no since in wasting an entire body bag when we could use part of it for one of those children AK seems to keep finding) (AK we can call you that!) it isnt just his filth its the fact that he does nothing he has no job no hobby nothing...he just goes to school 4 hours a day and talks about how busy he is. i still wouldnt kill him but yesterday the only day i can do laundry he did laundry and used the bar and clips that i bought...so i snapped and decided it was time for this filthy sloth of a human being to finnally clean the fucking kitchen. after screaming in various languages i came in the kitchen to find him wiping it down with and old newspaper...and old fucking newspaper as a cleaning implement? now im not an expert cleaner but are you fucking kidding me i know thats not acceptable in china.

it was at that moment when i thought he was possibly the most disgusting roomate ever and deserved to be sacrificed to some obscure okinawan god...suddenly for some reason i remembered the time i left a used condom that i stole from AK in front of his bed and i was laughing so hard i could commit murder...maybe hes not the most disgusting roomate ever that is still me....but hes annoying as fuck.

This is just a couple of pics from my old blog.

Your Score: Mostly Gay

You scored -34 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)

You are mainly homosexual, but you have a few heterosexual qualities. You much prefer the same sex, but you have a mild interest in the opposite sex. While you would jump at the opportunity to screw someone of the same sex, you might be up for experimenting with members of the opposite sex if given the opportunity. If you are sexually inexperienced, you could shift on the spectrum at a later time depending on whether you have sexual encounters with the opposite sex and whether or not you like those encounters.

Link: The Sexuality Spectrum Test written by tall_man_54 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

It isn't cheating...

...if I go to lunch with a guy that i just met and kinda like with the full knowledge that this could grow into something more than platonic.

It can't be cheating cause Jun and I are not dating. He has even mae it like mad clear that we are not together, but after last weekend I just don't know. He has said that he is looking for a boyfriend. He even often tells of his conversations with guys on the internet.

It isn't cheating. I'm going to the damn lunch.

If you decide to leave a comment please spare me the Jun hate.

Good Day/ Bad Day

Good: This morning I woke up feeling incredibly well rested. The sun was shining. The pigeons were respecting the boundaries on my balcony and my computer was doing as it should. The day seemed like it couldn't get any more perfect.

Bad: The sun was shining and hot as fucking hell. Well not really hot. It was just humid. It felt like my face and back were smashed up against some big nasty guys balls as I walked to the station.

Good: I wear the same outfit combinations like three times a week. I've gotten extremely lazy. Today though combination #4 was looking really good on me. It made me feel mad slim and it matched my earphones perfectly. Navy blue pants, Ocean blue shirt, and sky blue ear phones. It was perfection.

Bad: I realized during my first class that my wonderful blue earphones had made an incredible ball of wax develop in my left ear. It was actually interfering with my hearing. I removed the ball as soon as the class was over. (I nigga-rigged a paper clip to work like a scoop.) The ball of wax wax actually photo worthy. I of course did not take its picture. That would only make me seem disgusting. I will say that the ball was almost as big as the fingernail on my pinky finger.
After removing the wax I promptly went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I thought I would be fancy and actually use hand soap instead of just roughing up my hands under running water. Well when I pressed the button for the soap the shit shot directly onto my pants. The nozzle was clogged I realized, but that really didn't do much for the fact that it now looked like I had gone to the bathroom to (successfully) jack off. I panicked and tried to clean the soap off with a tissue. Bad idea. My pants now have a fuzzy, soap smelling stain that has to be dry cleaned soon.

Like tomorrow.

Good: I was blessed with the closest thing to true relief that one can get in the subway: a working air conditioner vent. I posted up under it immediately.

Bad: Other people tried to share in my discovery. I had to give the look of doom a few times, but no one was affected by it. They just slowly crept closer.


Good: My roommate washed dishes.

Bad: That dirty heffer only washed half of the dishes and left the ones she had cleaned in the fucking rack like she as finished or something. I had to wash the rest of them cuz the endless cloud of flies was starting to swarm again.



Yes, my apartment has flies. Anyway I'm tired of writing this entry. I would make a stab at humor but I will just say I'm finished.

I just want to go on record as saying I don't trust any dude that can work a pair of hot curlers on himself.

So in what situation would you actually find yourself laughing hysterically while carrying a pretty nice bag and trying to cover your package? Tell me quickly I'd like to recreate this with a few of the guys I know.

Today I have proven my dominance...

...over a six year old.

Today is always a rough day for me. I have two pretty rough classes. One class is just too young and inquisitive to be bothered with learning English. (to get them to focus I have to literaly dance and sing. LITERALLY.) The other class is just old enough to realize that playing together is more fun than playing with me. They also have realized that I can't really do shit to them. Of course this is the class where I had to lower the boom. Well at least on the worst one.

Now I could be really mean and pick on this baby's physical flaws, but I'm going to be a good person and just simply call her Mi-chan. I really could wax lyrical about how she looks, but then I've gone and met her father and I would just feel bad. Not really. I actually don't want SemiSpecial to give me a guilt trip.

Anyway today Mi-chan and Kai-kun were doing what they always do. Screaming various things in Japanese at the top of their lungs. I've had this problem with Kai before and he is starting to understand that I will withold your fucking air if you get me pissed enough. Of course I do that with a smile on my face. I don't think Mi-chan is as sharp as Kai-kun. He caught on after the third lesson. She didn't get it until today.

Like I said she and Kai were screaming bloody murder. So I seperated them and got everyone to start doing their work, which Mi-chan has never finished, but ever 30 seconds or so Mi-chan would start screaming something across the the room to Kai-kun and they would start laughing again. This pissed me off a lot and after telling her to be quiet about 45 times I basically told her to shut up in my harshest almost-a-shout-but-it-ain't voice, and she was quiet for about 5 mintues. I then moved the class through some other exercises and then we were about to start a craft thing.

Let me say now that I hate crafts. When I was a kid I loved the shit, but as an adult I find the practice of subjecting me to little children with scissors cruel and simply intolerable. For starters they can't use the damn things. Children, small children, cut paper at a snails pace. Well not all of them. Some of them just aren't content unless they are waving the damn things around in the air. It just ain't right to put me around that shit.

Anyway, I noticed Mi-chan repeatedly hitting Kai-kun. I say repeatedly because everytime she did it I told her to stop. Of course she would just look at me with this "are you speaking?" expression. I was setting up a table for the kids to work at and as I was finishing that up she hit Kai again. I wanted to reach across the table and drag her across by her little arms, but I was afraid that would leave a bruise so I just told her as sternly as possible to come sit beside me.

She said, "No."

This little brat who can barely recognize her own name in English had the audacity to look me in the eye and say no. I was beside myself. I realy wanted to hurl a rock, but instead I said, "Fine. You can color when you sit beside me." I then gave everyone their pictures and then the two of us began our staring contest.

She fixed me with this look that would probably send her mother crying over a bridge. It was a mix of anger and hurt that was really good. I see how people can end up being run by their children, but I don't have any kids. So I gave her my "what now you little trick" look. This staring match was like a war. She immediately countered my W.N.Y.L.T with Hate. She shot pure hate at me. I felt like I was in Kill Bill right before Uma Thurman cut that Star Trek chick's arm off. I just knew that something bad was gonna happen to me, but I stood my ground and gave her the "Bitch Please." Eventually after we gave each other about 6 more looks she started to show signs of weakening. She looked down and that is when I really drove it home with "Is That All You Got." After that she came and sat beside me. I then let her draw.

I have defeated a six year old. HA HA HA!

I am aggravated

On my day off I try to do something around the apartment. Even if it is as simple as cleaning my room or taking out the trash. The only thing that would prevent me from doing these things is Jun. My roommate doesn't have that same problem. She just sits around for hours watching her damn computer while the apartment slips deeper and deeper into a hellish state.

I have actually become "okay" with that. She is a bump on a log. I can't change that. I honestly don't expect her to do anything other than create new trash. I think I will soon start dumping her shit in her room. She uses the table in the kitchen like a file cabinet and has her lame ass "how to draw manga" books permanently parked beside the couch. (So you know those books were not always beside the couch. I in a mad cleaning spree put them there because i was tired of feeling them dig into the sides of my legs every time I tried to sit down.)

Anyway, the bitch done started to steal my fucking bread. Well she isn't stealing. Cause she basically gave me free access to some of her food. Well now that i think about it she did this shit on purpose. about three weeks ago she bout like 6 tomatoes and said I could have them because she doesn't eat tomatoes. I accepted and it seems like since that moment she has been stealing my bread. She set up a secret trade. Bitch!

You know I would not be so bothered if i didn't have to live in her squalor. I am of being the only one who washes dishes. Or forever straightening the table so that I can use it to eat.

FRUSTRATION!!!!

I was once known as Pigeon Killer

The Nagoyan summer is almost completely upon us. Just a paltry 4 days and then we, I really, will be int he grip of a moist evil hotness that will send me daily dripping into my different schools and will make me curse every little happy, giggly faced, junior high kid I see. No that I have history of doing that, but I remember that last year's summer made me go a little batty at times.
It also had an interesting effect on the birds. They all became unified in their search for shade. One day in August of last year I wonder over to Osu Kannon, an old shopping area in town that is now often frequented by the "cool" crowd. They day that I went was particularly hot. Every person I saw was sucking on a a snowball or on ice cream. Because Nagoyans are extremely jumpy, when I tried, in my best broken Japanese, to ask where they got their snowballs I was ignored and walked quickly away from or some people shouted that they didn't speak English (even though I asked in Japanese) and kind scurried away with their hands in the air. I was pissed of course, but in my many moments of being pissed that day I suddenly had a realization, "Where are the damn animals?"
I had not even seen anyone walking their dog or a bird trying to fly away with some one's abandoned bread. Truly that bit was weird for a place that has lots of food on the ground. So I searched. Even though I had rivers of sweat pouring off of me I went searching for the animals and I found them. Well at least the birds.
I turned a corner and saw what looked like a gray carpet thrown conspicuously in the shade of a large temple. As I got closer I saw that the carpet was moving. As I got even closer I realized it was no less than 300 birds all huddle together trying to hide from the heat. It was really weird. There were like pigeons, and sparrows maybe a crow or two, and some smaller birds that i could not recognize.
Well with the summer almost upon us I think the birds will be huddling again. I just don't want them to do it on my balcony. So I feel that it is time for me to get my water ready and grab my big walking stick. I think that I might soon be at war again.

Contribution

Hello Artificial Knight. I decided to add a little something to your blog. Hmmm..what to say. It's hard to follow a good hard back novel. Well, I ate some chinese food today. It's really american food with asian american waiters. But whatever I can get. Right now i'm watching this Hulk Hogan show. It's kinda lame..cause his daughter looks like a man.and everybody clearly overtans and uses that bottle peroxide for their hair. I just imagine them smelling like a big jug of bleach. Was that mean? Oh well, they're rich..i don't think they care. But lets change the subject on what I truly want to focus on. YOU!

So dear, this is what I want for you:
I want you to stop trying to establish anything with Jun. I know he makes you feel good. Thats great. But something about him I just dont like. I mean..he spells his name without an 'e'. Can you really trust that?

I want you to take it one day at time at your job. I know kids can be annoying. But I've seen you around kids. Your great. I know that one day..you'll be a great dad..and screw up ur own kids.

And lastly, I want you to make your way home soon. If there is some sort of trouble with you coming down. Just remember that little 8 year old girl hysterically crying. Thats me Tommie...thats me.

Well, that was my little contribution to your blog. I hope you like it.

Picture this

Thursday. The most hectic day of my week. I have two wonderful yet insanely energetic kids classes. In one of those classes is K-chan. She has not come to my class in almost two months. There is something that stops her.
This thursday we have a breakthrough. It is discovered, after weeks of constant prodding, that the reason for K-chan's absence and repeated crying in the lobby is me. (Surprised?)
It would seem that in one class many weeks ago I didn't realize that K-chan had her hand raised to answer a question. Apparently I hurt her little 8 year old soul.
So what does my director asks me to do?

Apologize. To an 8 year old. For not realizing she had her hand raised.

Of course I stared at the director, but since I like her I agreed to be a team player and talk, not apologize, to K-chan. My director then leads me to K-chan. She is sitting in a little room all curled up on a chair hiding her face. While I stand there the director starts talking to K-chan, and then K-chan starts to get hysterical.

Naturally my belt started to feel a bit oppressive around my waist, but sheer disbelief prevents me from freeing it and doing that other function that it was designed to do.

K-chan eventually kicks pass the director and runs out the door. Out the building. Around the corner and into the train station. During this flight she never stopped screaming and crying. Well at least she screamed anf cried as far as I could see.

The director was surprised. Her mother seemed less than shocked. I wanted to chase down a child and explain in my best This-shit-is-gonna-stop-today voice that she is too damn old to be throwing any kind of tantrum because someone, me, failed to be perfect and not pick out your hand in room of screaming 7 and 8 year olds, but, alas, I don't run after other people's kids unless they are running into traffic. Their are no cars in the train station so I figured she was safe.

Well the pedophiles might get her, but at this point I don't care.

Her little brother has gotten the hang of how I do shit, but she just doesn't want to get on board.

K-chan might be a lost cause, but my director just doesn't want to believe it.

The world is full of questions. None more pressing than the questions that we find we find posed to ourselves... by ourselves.



Today I have a question: Do I really need love?



Right away the answer, to me, seems quite obvious.

No.

I don't need it and it doesn't need me. I am quite content as of late to carry on in my own haphazard way fucking my life up step by step without worrying about the needs and feelings of another person.

I realize that right away.

But I am puzzled by the feeling of peace I feel when I find myself laying with Jun. He frustrates me. To no end. Just today I found myself arguing with him about the mindset of American people. I think he, along with a goodish amount of the rest of the world, feels a little put off by America. One might say he even hates America and that along with whatever baggage he may already have is clouding... affecting his feelings about me.

That doesn't bother me really. Actually it does.

I have become quite accustomed to the fact that many people will think lowly of me because of my country of origin.

What I can't seem to become accustomed to is my apparent need... for someone... for him.

Have I become so enamored with the concept of love that I am willing to accept and want someone who makes me feel so confused at times? Today after he snaked out of me the fact that i like him he kissed me. It was the most passionate kiss I've felt in a long time.

Actually it was wonderful.

I have in the past mocked those people who seemed to be sniffing out love. With their noses permanently to the path where potential love has already tread. Those people often make me think of dogs. I think I have become one of them.

Why must I be acquainted with a crazy Japanese guy?

How did this happen?

Why can't I break away from him?

Oh yeah! Cause I like him a little bit, but I'm doing all I can to suppress that emotion. Actually emotion suppression is pretty easy for me. I'm gay. On an almost daily basis I meet men that are perfect in every way.
They look perfect. (This is not the most important thing but it ranks high on my list. I'm just being honest.)
They are intelligent.
They have great imagination.
They are fun to be around.
They have money. (Also not the most important thing, but I have a history of being broke. If my man can bail me out or at least buy me that wonderful, new, totally unneeded doo-dad in the window I'm happy.)

But these perfect men are almost always straight. I usually end up becoming friends with them and loving them or being insanely attracted to them from a distance. I stand in friend territory and know that I can go no further. There is one guy right now who is just gorgeous, and so much fun, and his ass just makes me want to scream. Oh! His eyes are the most incredible blue. Like Santa Claus or something. I am avoiding becoming his friend because I don't want him to catch me staring deep into his ass or spacing out in his eyes.

Anyway, I can suppress my emotions easily, but Jun just called me, drunk, and has obviously abandoned his ability to suppress his or maintain his good sense. Basically he wants to sow his wild oats. He has feelings for me that he would like to ignore, but he wants to go out and meet people. I understand this... even though I'm not sure I like being viewed as the settle down type. You know like the reasonable girl you get after you done gone and got all the hoes you can find. I wasn't really all that bothered to her him kinda slurring all that out, but then he went and asked me to wait for him.

He wants me to wait until he has gone and sowed his oats. I don't argue with drunk people. So I just agreed, but in my mind I'm like, "What the hell do you think you are bringing that is so fucking wonderful that I will wait for you?" Nothing. He brings nothing except dependable dick. (It is nice.)

He has a great bit of nerve. He keeps saying he wants to get married to a girl. He is so mixed up. I don't know what to do with him. Or about him.

I know what I should do.

Now I'm mixed up.

I hate/love men.

Farewell Lucky

Yesterday I got a message from my parents on my phone. Actually it wasn't a message. They called me while I was at work. That by itself isn't that strange. When ever they call me I am usually in a compromising position and have to just call them back.

What made this call strange was that I had talked to them like 3 days earlier. My parents won't call me unless I don't call for two weeks.

So when I returned their call I was expecting bad news and they delivered. After roughly 4 days of crying in pain my dog, Lucky, died. During the night and by himself.

I'm not sad really. Just a little angry. As far back as we have had Lucky I never remember him crying out. He would never whine or yelp. Just bark. So I just don't know why my parents didn't register him crying out in pain for a few days as a sign of something being wrong.

He is dead now. So what can I do?

Peace out Lucky. I hope you get to run for ever in doggy Heaven.

Lucky really liked to run.

Classic

I was coming back from a class with Ms. Grinch when suddenly our path was obstructed. By what, you ask? A 19th century feudal army, having traveled back through time? A large oxen? Jenny McCarthy's disembodied fake tits? No, something far more absurd. At least twenty Japanese boys, laying on the floor, all of them spooning one another. Some of them, I guess unable to find a spooning partner, were just kicking back on top of the whole pile.

Ms. Grinch turns to me. "Well. This is quite gay, isn't it?"

FUCKIN'A, I'M GLAD *SOMEONE* FINALLY SAID IT!

Many of us Gaijin Teachers are initially surprised by how...touchy-feely Japanese boys are with one another. Granted, I am American, so I may not have the best perspective on the matter. In America, any male-to-male contact that is not in the context of fighting, a high-five/ass slap during a sports game, or a drunken "I love you man!" NO HOMO HUG, is gay. So I dunno, maybe it's the American background coming into play here, but I'm just not used to seeing boys sit on each others laps, hold hands, grab each others penises, and especially, over twenty of them spooning in the middle of Brokeback Hallway.

...And I'm from San Francisco!

Yet, we Gaijin Teachers seem to be the only ones weirded out by it. Other Japanese teachers will just be like "Oh, boys..." and never think about it again. So I felt justified to finally have ONE Japanese teacher finally acknowledge how frickin weird this is, even if it was Ms. Grinch.

Ms. Grinch brings her concerns to the boys.

Ms. G: Well. This is rather gay of you.

Boy 1: What? What's gay?

Ms. G: All of you sitting here like this.

Boy 2: This isn't gay!

Boy 3: We're just relaxing in between class.

Boy 1: We all get along really well.

Boy 4: Why do you want to destroy such beautiful friendships.

Ms. G: ...Whatever. Gay. At least get out of the way.

Boy 1: We don't wanna move.

Boy 2: Yeah, it's nice here.

Boy 3: You just wish you could be lying in a hallway full of boys, don't you?

Ms. Grinch gives me one of those "Oy vey" looks, and says "I guess we have no choice but to step over them." Almost merrily, she says "Over the Gay!" as she takes a mighty step over the boy pile. I too had to step over the boys, minus any flowery words regarding it. As we were heading back to the teachers room, Ms. Grinch turns to me again. "I'm sorry about that, Japanese boys can be quite...peculiar."
...Sister, you don't know the half of it.

From GaijinSmash

Am I Lame?/Stay away from monkeys.

First and foremost giving honor to God. I just want to say that should anyone actually answer that rhetorical question they will burst into flames and if for some reasons you manage to live through that first signal flare rest assured that I will be waiting for you in the parking lot after your burns heal.

Anyway, I have endeavored the fine, lonely Saturday evening to drink an entire bottle of wine. Alone.

That statement alone is grounds for a clear declaration of lameness, but, as Semisweet and Peanut already know, it can get so much worse.

I recently had sex with a girl. I know. I know. It sounds like some kind of horrible joke, and normally it would be. But here I stand... sit before you testifying that it is the truth. I'm still gay. Don't get it twisted, but I just want to go on the record as saying that 5 beers and a homely white girl can make any man slip outside of himself for a moment.

Yes it started with alcohol, and, yes, I am drinking alcohol right now. This time though I am alone. Which makes me drinking seem like supremely sad. But that is a subject for another day.

It was a Thursday. It started out like any other. She, that Jezebel, and I made our mad dash for the train like always. We had as of late grown incredibly comfortable in each other's presence. I often would strip down to my underwear with her in the room. I was changing clothes and she was a girl. I mean I never thought about what could happen.

Well on Thursday we ended our shift at work around the same time and rode back to the city together. We stopped on our way home at this nice little chicken place called Yama-chan. Yama-chan is a fucking Nagoya tradition. The bitches specialize in some spicy ass chicken wings. (just makes me clap insanely inside.) Those fucking wings were good. Even though with my food selection, as I've been doing lately, was a wee bit healthier than hers. I opted for for spicy bean sprouts and a dish of yaki-udon while she, that Succubus, got deep fried chicken and some other thing that I couldn't bear to watch her eat.

It sounds like she disgust me doesn't it. Well at the time she didn't, but post her forcing herself on me.... I just don't know. The world seems different. Every woman seems like a predator. A filthy stinky wanting only to suck your soul in predator. But I digress.

While eating our meals I decided to start sucking away on my beer. I occasionally get a little alcohol. This wine I'm drinking now was a gift. A birthday present from Jun and Tetsuo. (If you don't know Tetsuo go to my Flickr page and look at him. I honestly don't have to much info on him myself. I only met him at my birthday party.) It is really shitty wine too. When people drink wine on TV they look like they are lost in the arms of passion. I'm just struggling to get this bitter shit to stay down. Why drink it you ask?

For the feeling. Why do anything if not for the feeling? Anything done after drinking alcohol counts as futile action because your senses are dulled. So you can't enjoy the feeling. Which is exactly what happened when I was attacked. I was dull and not of my right mind.

She kept me up for hours. Talking about nothing. Her lame and slightly suspect opinions of organized religion, her inability to be in control of her emotions or, while we're on it, herself. I don't count that as a problem. I've told her that. Every thing that she does is the result of a conscious decision by her. no ball rolls in your life unless you push it. That is how I feel. She is constantly rolling balls left and right and calling them crushes. "Oh, I think he is so cute. his collarbones just turn me on." Yes, collarbones. Oi!

After hours of her talking about nonsense the conversation drifted, as is the way of any conversation involving a drunk man, towards the topic of sex. She knows I am gay and we talked about it. Positions I like. Positions she should try. Naturally I got a little hot. I can't imagine dick flying around me without my body believing it to be true. I was horny and it showed. Then the conversation took a turn that I don't really remember well enough to follow.

She said something about needing dick and then I said I would dick her for a fee and she was like I'm not paying and I was like well since you're a friend I'll give you the first hit for free and then she was like OK.

The next thing I know I have a condom on and she is rubbing lube on my dick because I am apparently bigger than what she is used to. Then she guided me in and I felt nothing. Actually I felt intense warmth, but nothing else.
The bulb.
The Explosion.
The Moment of Intense Clarity.
Nirvana.
God.
I saw none of these things. Instead all I saw was a girl who I like only as a friend and not even a really close friend groaning because my dick was buried deep in her. As I thrust ( you are supposed to do that, right?) into her the alcohol haze in my head cleared a bit and I thought, with a giggle, that this child does not possess that ability that some people suggest women have. The power to turn a gay man straight. To make me realize the errors of wanting dick.

"All you need is to find the right woman to put it ON YAH!"

I guess she, that girl from Ring, is not one of those "right" women.

After fully realizing what I was in the process of doing my erection wilted. Rather quickly and we called the thing off. We have both declared it a one time only occasion. I think I was a bad lay. At any rate I think that my little run in with pussy has made me more than a little certain that I am gay. So gay. So gay that even being buried in pussy I could not feel happy. I couldn't even visualize a hot guy.

I was so repulsed. I'm not saying women are disgusting. I'm just saying I don't want their disgusting vagina on me. I was so weirded out by the whole thing that I slowly in a way that would not hurt her, that Aphrodite wannabe, or make her feel that she was the disgusting one. I actually think she may have been. My dick was itchy like immediately afterward. So the shower was a bit of an imperative.



Damn blog writing sure makes it hard to drink at a proper rate. I'm gonna go finish this bottle.

Stay away from those monkeys.

Would you...

...call this a strange night? I am sitting in my room trying to remain as quiet as possible out of respect for my roommate who is currently holed up in her room doing some ritual to make her life easier. Like a spiritual booster or something.

Yes. She is in her room practicing witch craft. Luckily I know enough about witch craft to know that it is connected for the most part to nature and shit. Hence her doing this during the blue moon or something. She's been announcing the coming moon all week.

I really don't know what type of witch craft she is practicing. But is it strange that I live with a witch?

How do these people find me?




...call me a pervert for lusting after a 16 year old boy? I have a student who was sitting in a room full of college aged people. He is cute. Really cute. I was quizzing them all about their lives and asked what clubs does he go to. He paused for like 3 minutes. Literally minutes and then just gave me this "what are you talking about sensei sir?" look. Eventually he said he can't go to clubs. In my head I'm like have you been banned, but my better judgement made me ask his age. 16. SIXTEEN!!! I was so surprised. Being the good closet puritan that I am I immediately squashed that feeling I was feeling in my loins.

After his age declaration I treated him as I should have the entire time: like a kid.


...kindly explain why I am dead tired, but insisting upon fighting sleep?