update

For those of you who remain interested I will not be going to Okinawa this summer vacation. I will instead buy a bike.

Yes, I know. A bike versus a trip sunny beaches, cool ocean water, and from what my students tell me some awesome fuck-you-in-the-ear shochu should be a no brainer. But in keeping with my normal tradition I have gone and diddled away my money in a fit of........ Just a fit.

I will do better though. I promise. Sorry Peanut. I really did want to gawk at your muscles and listen to you wax poetic about the virtues of lacy thigh socks and mini skirts. Maybe we can get together around Golden Week.

This picture doesn't really deal with anything in this entry. I just thought it was cool.

I met a man. A new man. I think my Jun insanity is clearing up . I still get horny if I see him, but I can actually think now. I will not go the route of my friends and declare him scum, but I will say he is not right for me.

Which brings me to some one who does feel right. About 2 weeks ago I was pissing around on the Internet feeling depressed after the Tequila Party Incident and suddenly a message appeared front his guy who wanted exchange emails. I checked out his profile and saw that he was 35 (ew!) and wearing some pretty silly underwear (HAHAHA!!!) so I figured that he was a pervert and I shouldn't talk to him, but something in me said, "Give him your damn keitai address. If he freaks you out you can simply stop answering his damn messages. Stop being a depressed bitch!"

So I gave him my address and we started talking. We sent messages for about half the night that day and have been talking every day since then. His name is Tomoyuki and he is a social worker in his own little company. I don't really know ho it works but I will figure it out eventually. He, of course, is 35 and has all of the maturity that goes with it, but he still wants to get into a bitches pants.

We had a lunch date on last Friday and then again on Sunday. Well the Sunday thing wasn't a date so much as a happy occurrence at any rate we ended up spending like half the day together. He is wonderful. He is handsome. He is sexy. He and I might have to start picking out china patterns and flower colors for the wedding cause he is just that great. He told me he thinks I'm cute, and I actually believe him when he says it.

I don't know what it is, but he just seems so sincere when he says stuff to me. I'm all giddy and shit. It is kinda funny. I've regained my mind with Jun just to go and lose it the following week with Tomo.

Basically he is wonderful. We are gonna go out again this Friday. Transformers comes out on that day and I bet I could convince him to go with me.

Today I was observed by one of my bosses. I actually brought this on myself. I complained about my crazy kids class so much that one of the bosses took notice and decided to come out and see what the problem was. He then decided to stay and watch most of my other lessons too. I basically ended up with a six foot tall, white, Canadian, second degree black belt, not very funny, incredibly sarcastic, kind of cute, definitely sexy at times shadow. On any other day I would have been glad to see him, but today with him scrutinizing my every move and making poor attempts to not make me feel like he was scrutinizing me I would have rather have seen three of my crazy kids on condensed sugar.

At any rate the day was stressful, but uneventful. My director told me she was quitting soon, but I already knew that. She has been looking troubled for a while. I guess it is time for her to go have a baby or something.

hmmm....

It is getting hard to force words together now so I am gonna go to sleep before I start.........

Words that Knight will never tire of hearing:

"You're cuter than I thought."

peanut update

typhoons are for bitches i rode my bike to work in the middle of it cuase i wasnt sure if that was it or not and wether i should watch the pool. then i spent the rest of taifu 4gou (mei li, it some how got a gaijin name) drinking beer wondering if the damn thing had come or not. so i kept having to go out in it for more beer and snacks... but i did buy a cheap washing machine cuase they were freaking out at the recylce shop trying to shove everything inside and they offered it to me for 4000 yen if i could carry it home...then they threw in a teapot and i couldnt resist...clean clothes and fresh tea. so there i was carrying a washing machine and a teapot in the damn typhoon...no one stopped to help or ask what the fuck i was doing. mother fucker was heavy...

then i had to work 2 10 hour shifts at the hotel cuase everything imaginable ended up in the middle of the pool and the pool had to be open so it could sit in the rain....i offered to buy a fucking tarp for the pool so i dont have to clean it next week when taifu 5 comes...but they were like no its best to just clean it...

so yes i am alive but feeling stranded...right now i am staring at graduate school applications and pondering a career as a foriegn service officer. i am continuing to keep up my fairly pathetic pace of studying though i feel i have learned alot i know i will never pass any test of japanese proficiency and speaking japanese is boderline pointless since i cant pass some stupid grammar test...and it would probably still be pointless if i could pass some stupid test...which leads me to the question...what in the fuck am i doing?

Tequilla Party Incident

I have been subject to semi-violent emotional changes more and more recently lately. Well not violent, but quick... sharp. Like a couple of months I had my bout of being extremely pissed in a Japanese gay bar (Man Rag), and then I have have become pissed about my roommate more and more lately, and then my kids at work are doing all they can to be crazy, and... Well there is a long list of other things that usually result in me having some type of angry outburst that makes people stare at me.
Last night was a little different.
My roommate and I had a small get-together at the apartment. When I say small I really mean small. The guest list was me, my roommate, and guy that I'm gonna call Mormon Killer. Well the little thing was going nicely. We were playing video games and drinking tequila. I was wining a lot and they were slowly getting more and more drunk.
And then Jun called me. He and his friend Shohei were going to karaoke and wanted us to go with them. I really didn't feel like going anywhere last night so i said no and then got off the phone. A whole 3 minutes later he called back and said they changed their minds and wanted to come join us at my apartment. I said they could and over they came.
They brought the gift of sho-chu, lemon water, ice, and paper cups... and a large bit of Japanese insanity. So we all were playing games. My apartment is only so big and the area around the TV is a bit cramped so it felt like in addition to playing video games we were also playing musical chairs. I think that may have caused a few problems. Jun was being very flirtatious last night and it is no real secret that he kinda likes my roommate. So he would flirt with me and her. Maybe this is just all in my head, but she has told me that he flirts with her and he is always saying how cute she is. Well they would play off and on on the couch. During this my roommate was also urging me to tell MK (Mormon Killer) that I am gay, cause there is shit she wants to talk to him about. I didn't really feel like it, but as she became more drunk she gradually became louder with her requests. My roommate also hates Jun.
At one point she and Jun were on the couch together. he had his arms around her playing or some shit and she was like shouting for me to tell MK. I had been watching her and Jun and I guess I was feeling jealous and angry... very angry and then with her screaming shit I just ended up screaming that I am gay. Then I went into my room for a minute. I think I had too much stimulation or something. Basically I started to cry a bit.

maybe I shouldn't write about this.

Jun came into my room and tried to talk to me. He picked up that I was feeling a bit jealous. He kept pushing for me to tell him that I like him. He thinks I love him actually. Maybe I do, but I don't really want to. I'm really tired of being his not-boyfriend or booty call or whatever the hell he thinks of me as. And I'm really tired of feeling like I'm tired of hiding from every one.

Eventually he left the room and my roommate came in. She tried to apologize. At that point I didn't really care. I just wanted everyone out of the apartment. I don't like to do all that in front of, near, in the same time zone as people, but I couldn't just say leave.

When I came out of my room with my made for work smile on Jun and MK were getting into a heated debate. MK wanted to talk in Japanese to Jun and Jun wanted to talk in English to MK and they were drunk and just feeling angry. Shohei was drunk and trying to verify that everyone was his friend. He actually doesn't speak English and so he could only point and say friend repeatedly. It became annoying after the fifth minute of him pointing and hugging and shaking hands.
I was floating around feeling disoriented. I actually still feel that way now.
and then Jun and Shohei were trying to leave, but MK and my roommate are very opposed to drunk driving and Jun and Shohei had both been drinking. I think Jun was OK to drive but Shohei was not. (I actually didn't give a shit if they lived or died at that point) MK and Katie were quickly leading up to violent action and so I stepped in to put Jun and Shohei in a taxi home. So I walked them downstairs and we were walking over to get a taxi, but then Shohei insisted on taking Jun's car home and Jun wasn't helping me get him to where they could take a taxi. he kept insisting that he was OK to drive and i just gave up. I wasn't in the mood to argue so i just gave him his keys back and went inside.

he called when he got home.

I could actually write more but i just want to get out of this apartment

Man-yi

This morning I woke up with searing heat on my back. I thought I was on fire for a moment, and I really wasn't bothered by that. I left my window completely open last night. The recent typhoon, Man-yi, that we had has left the skies almost completely clear. There are barely any clouds to provide resistance to the sun.

It is really pretty. Well at least here on Honshu, the Japanese main island. I'm kinda worried about Peanut. He lives in Okinawa and ,as I understand the news, Man-yi kinda beat on them like they owed him or her money. Peanut is never really online, but it would be nice if he would pop in to say I'm not dead or stranded in the land of cute faces and bad teeth.

I do not really like watermelon but if this man offered it to me I think I would eat it. I actually posted this picture cause the watermelon made me think of my dumb ass roommate. I'm starting to wonder if that girl has ever in her life actually owned a trash can or felt it necessary to empty a trash can.
Last week my roommate was given a watermelon as a gift from one of her students. I say gift because a watermelon here would cost at least 12 dollars in America. That little fact I simply cannot reconcile myself with. My father grows watermelons. Hundreds of them. He gives them away to friends sometimes or just gorges himself on them for weeks at a time. He calls it his watermelon diet.
My roommate brought the melon home and looked thrilled about it, but quickly realized that she didn't know how to cut it. I watched her. She attempted to cut a wedge out of the still intact melon, which is possible but given the size of our refrigerator should not be considered. I eventually went over and cut it for her and explained... well demonstrated in a very exaggerated fashion that you don't put the rind in the regular trash. I put in a smaller bag and threw it out before i went to sleep. I exaggerated all of these motions in the hopes that she would catch on. She didn't.
Naturally there was left over watermelon. She has been eating on it throughout the week. Yesterday was my day off and I was cleaning the apartment, cause I thought I was gonna get some, but that is a different story. As I was cleaning I kinda absently realized that the flies in the apartment were swarming a bit. My apartment is plagued by fruit flies. It might be my fault. I'm always hot so I always leave the windows open. Anyway, I decided to look for the source of the flies. They were not coming from the sinks or the bathroom or from that vile place where my roommate sleeps. That only left the trash under the sink. I opened the door and out poured this cloud of insects. They nearly knocked me back. It was horrible. It turns out that my highly intelligent by book standards roommate had thrown the remaining watermelon rind into the trash and had in the process attracted no less than a thousand insects. I was pissed. Am pissed.
I was so pissed that I almost called her at work to express my pissedness, but I didn't. I took the bag out of the trash, tied it up, and sat it next to her little desk. I am now waiting for her to ask about it. When she does I will encourage her to open it so that she too can have a cloud of insects in her face.

for my dear friend peanut

so that you understand

Today was my day off. I decided to run a few highly necessary errands while waiting for my porn to finish downloading.

I went to H.I.S. to check on ticket prices to America. A last ditch effort really. My parents little guilt trip on Tuesday is still ringing loudly in my ears. Anyway at H.I.S. I found out that my "freakishly high" estimate that I got from the No. 1 Travel website was about fifty thousand yen too low. 227000 yen. That is what it would have cost to go home. Insane really. It goes without saying that any hope that I may have been harboring is officially dead.

After leaving H.I.S. I went to the Apple Store. I have been considering buying an Apple computer. Actually any computer recently. Apple's computers just happen to look really sexy and sleek, and for me those two qualities make a huge difference. One of the most important things is making sure that the computer has English and Japanese abilities.
I learned a few thing about Apple and Japan today.
1. Apple does not do payment plans. While I'm at it neither does Japan... unless its a car or a house, and even in those situations they prefer you to pay in full in cash.
2. To ask or even start on a path of questioning that will lead to a payment plan will get you a certain series of looks.
a. Realization - the clerk will actually light up a little. It will seem as though that suddenly had an epiphany that made them aware of your lack of funds.
b. Aggravation - the clerk will suddenly fix you with a look that says, "Why the hell are you even here?" The look will be so strong that you will feel compelled to apologize for wasting their time.
c. Agitation - the clerk will start to turn away from you. It is at this point the you should thank the clerk for their help and with shame plastered across your down turned face run screaming from the store and into the flow of oncoming traffic.
If you don't release the clerk by thanking them things will get ugly. Well in (my)theory. At this point the clerks fake smile will melt away and the god awful set of jagged shattered teeth that a lot of Japanese people will emerge and they will try to eat you.

short and sweet

I almost fell down the stairs yesterday. I've noticed that stair in Japan are usually a lot steeper in houses than in America. Maybe I'm just being invited to the cheap houses.


I watched a guy wishing an erection away on the train today. When I got on I noticed that a beautiful man had a rather striking crotch. Actually it is the other way around. I noticed the crotch had a beautiful man attached.
He looked really uncomfortable too. Maybe it was because I was making a poor attempt at hiding my curiosity or the fact that he was with what appeared to be two of his coworkers. I was on the train for about 15 minutes and watched this guy go from being unaware of his erection, to being proud of his erection, then slightly embarrassed about the erection (he tried to hide it with a little folder which, given the fact that he was Japanese, was amazingly effective) to being bored with his coworkers chattering like two birds around a bath, and finally to content to just stare into his coworkers face and wait for the erection to go down.
It went down quickly after that. His coworker was not really much to look at.


I've started looking into flights to Okinawa. I'm realizing that Okinawa would cost almost a third of what it would have to cost to go to America. with that said I still think I would rather go to America. I really miss my family. A lot. I also really need to go shopping, but that gets second violin compared to my desire to see my family. I should really get a new computer and command my parents to get a web cam.
Or I could just take off from work for a bout a week during a less expensive travel time, but then again I live in Japan and getting a week off is virtually impossible. More than virtually. It is impossible. I'm gonna see about possibly making a weekend really long and flying home. 4 days is better than no days. Even if does involve a 22 hour flight.

finished