Tequilla Party Incident

I have been subject to semi-violent emotional changes more and more recently lately. Well not violent, but quick... sharp. Like a couple of months I had my bout of being extremely pissed in a Japanese gay bar (Man Rag), and then I have have become pissed about my roommate more and more lately, and then my kids at work are doing all they can to be crazy, and... Well there is a long list of other things that usually result in me having some type of angry outburst that makes people stare at me.
Last night was a little different.
My roommate and I had a small get-together at the apartment. When I say small I really mean small. The guest list was me, my roommate, and guy that I'm gonna call Mormon Killer. Well the little thing was going nicely. We were playing video games and drinking tequila. I was wining a lot and they were slowly getting more and more drunk.
And then Jun called me. He and his friend Shohei were going to karaoke and wanted us to go with them. I really didn't feel like going anywhere last night so i said no and then got off the phone. A whole 3 minutes later he called back and said they changed their minds and wanted to come join us at my apartment. I said they could and over they came.
They brought the gift of sho-chu, lemon water, ice, and paper cups... and a large bit of Japanese insanity. So we all were playing games. My apartment is only so big and the area around the TV is a bit cramped so it felt like in addition to playing video games we were also playing musical chairs. I think that may have caused a few problems. Jun was being very flirtatious last night and it is no real secret that he kinda likes my roommate. So he would flirt with me and her. Maybe this is just all in my head, but she has told me that he flirts with her and he is always saying how cute she is. Well they would play off and on on the couch. During this my roommate was also urging me to tell MK (Mormon Killer) that I am gay, cause there is shit she wants to talk to him about. I didn't really feel like it, but as she became more drunk she gradually became louder with her requests. My roommate also hates Jun.
At one point she and Jun were on the couch together. he had his arms around her playing or some shit and she was like shouting for me to tell MK. I had been watching her and Jun and I guess I was feeling jealous and angry... very angry and then with her screaming shit I just ended up screaming that I am gay. Then I went into my room for a minute. I think I had too much stimulation or something. Basically I started to cry a bit.

maybe I shouldn't write about this.

Jun came into my room and tried to talk to me. He picked up that I was feeling a bit jealous. He kept pushing for me to tell him that I like him. He thinks I love him actually. Maybe I do, but I don't really want to. I'm really tired of being his not-boyfriend or booty call or whatever the hell he thinks of me as. And I'm really tired of feeling like I'm tired of hiding from every one.

Eventually he left the room and my roommate came in. She tried to apologize. At that point I didn't really care. I just wanted everyone out of the apartment. I don't like to do all that in front of, near, in the same time zone as people, but I couldn't just say leave.

When I came out of my room with my made for work smile on Jun and MK were getting into a heated debate. MK wanted to talk in Japanese to Jun and Jun wanted to talk in English to MK and they were drunk and just feeling angry. Shohei was drunk and trying to verify that everyone was his friend. He actually doesn't speak English and so he could only point and say friend repeatedly. It became annoying after the fifth minute of him pointing and hugging and shaking hands.
I was floating around feeling disoriented. I actually still feel that way now.
and then Jun and Shohei were trying to leave, but MK and my roommate are very opposed to drunk driving and Jun and Shohei had both been drinking. I think Jun was OK to drive but Shohei was not. (I actually didn't give a shit if they lived or died at that point) MK and Katie were quickly leading up to violent action and so I stepped in to put Jun and Shohei in a taxi home. So I walked them downstairs and we were walking over to get a taxi, but then Shohei insisted on taking Jun's car home and Jun wasn't helping me get him to where they could take a taxi. he kept insisting that he was OK to drive and i just gave up. I wasn't in the mood to argue so i just gave him his keys back and went inside.

he called when he got home.

I could actually write more but i just want to get out of this apartment