I love Saturdays. Saturday is the one day during my week that succeeds in never being completely boring. Often my Saturdays start in with great style and flair, but often end in a very muted fashion, but that is not why I'm writing.
This Saturday, like most, started with me physically assaulting my alarm clock for roughly 25 minutes. I have to get up early on Saturday; taking frustration out on the clock seems like a very healthy thing to me. After achieving a pretty steady state of consciousness I reached over and turned on my computer and PS2. I then started absently chatting with Semi-Special (who will need a shorter nickname) about her sending me a box of scented joy and attempted, fruitlessly, to unlock all of the forms of the characters on Guilty Gear XX.
Eventually, upon my request, Semi-Special commanded me out of bed and into the shower. Where I sang and danced and didn't masturbate for the next half hour. I kept having flashbacks of a conversation I had with Semi(-Special) where she declared that Tim Hardaway or one of his teammates had been lotioning his penis in the locker room after a shower or something. it made me giggle a lot in the bathroom.
After what felt like 5 minutes I found myself maneuvering past all of the obasans lining the the streets as I jogged to the train station. Those women are slow. Really slow and I think they have held on this long so that they can complete their live's mission: stand in the fucking way of a black guy in a tie. They're really good at it. My train ritual as of late is to get a seat and then start pulling on my earphones and whatnot, but today I found that I simply could not do it. My hands just could not hold the mp3 player. So I looked around and realized (out of the corner of my eye) that this business man was giving me the evil eye. SOOO naturally I froze and tried to look normal. He stared at me for no less than 5 minutes. The ride from my station to Nagoya station is only 12 minutes. He stared at me for almost HALF OF THE FUCKING RIDE!!!! I felt so uncomfortable. but I wonder, am I that interesting? Did he find me cute? I hope not, because staring will not make me throw back the covers for you.
Work was pretty normal on Saturdays with one notable exception, Ai. Ai, which isn't her real name, likes me. I think. Actually I'm pretty damn sure of it. She is a pretty, twenty-one-ish, university student, GIRL who hangs on my every word in class. The first time I had her in class I admired her attentiveness and just assumed that she really wanted to be sure that she understood everything. But as I had her more and more I started to notice other little things.
1. Ai will not sit in class until she has figured out exactly where I will be sitting and then she parks herself in the seat directly across from me.
2. In said seat Ai always leans forward so that she can get a better look at my mouth as I speak or something.
3. Ai, even when other students are speaking, will only look at me. To the point where I find it hard to look at her.
4. Ai lingers after every class to talk about what I am doing later in the evening. I feel that she is gearing up to invite me to a club where where will try to ravish me on the dance floor.
In response to all of Ai's actions I have tried to remain extremely professional. I have answered her questions, smiled when appropriate, and tried to not show favoritism because of her eagerness. I think this may have angered her, and so today she pulled out the big guns. Today in class he sat in her normal spot and wore "the shirt." I'm certain that every woman has a "the shirt" in their closet some where. You know the shirt that shows of your assets. Anyway, Ai's shirt was cute when she was standing up. It was a whit wrap shirt with a little bow on the side. It was very simple, a trick I think. When she sat down the shirt immediately opened. Not a lot, but just enough so that i could see her bra. her bra was flesh colored and appeared to be too small for her. Occasionally she would try to close the shirt or hold her hand at her neck to hide herself a little, but for the most part she stayed leaned forward just like normal and she kept talking to me. II think she is trying to seduce me. There was another guy in class and he couldn't stop looking at her. So I'm sure it wasn't just me.
I was so uncomfortable, but how do you safely say to someone that your shirt is open, please hide your breast without sounding like a bit of a pervert. Or in my case, getting fired?
I don't know, but what I do know is that Ai is pulling out the big guns. I'm gonna have to start flashing pictures of my boyfriends 0r something.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Eeyore: Depressed Donkey or Trans-species Mule
Only last week one of my friends told me, I would say in a very private setting, that although he is okay with me being gay he could not watch Dream Girls with me. His reason for this is that I had recently almost "gayed [him] out of existence." Of course I laughed at him. To think that by "quietly" acting out a scene from Dream Girls I could threaten some one's very existence was hilarious. (I will keep that performance as a secret weapon of sorts.
Anyway his little statement made me start thinking about how people see each other and how they see themselves. Specifically it made me think of Eeyore. You remember Eeyore, the lovable, melancholy, little, gray, with a tacked on tail (donkey)?
Is he a donkey? Or is he a mule who realized late in life that he was no longer able to accept himself as mule because deep down he always knew he was a donkey? Is he the first trans-species patient in history? I think so.
I've been trying to understand why he is so sad. I believe that the problem is in his self image. It is common knowledge that mules, being true half breeds, are sterile. The unholy offspring of a horse and a donkey will never know the joy of creating their own little mule family. Eeyore clearly wanted to date and that is why he underwent his operation as evidenced by his "tail."
Now it is my belief, as well as that of the Three M Organization, that Eeyore's operation while successful did not put an end to his self loathing. Although he looks like a donkey, he is still unable to produce with a donkey. This has led him to an unfulfilling career in the human adult film industry. He finds himself able to make a living extremely well in Mexico.
I have conducted a small scale independent study, I e-mailed most of my friends, about what they think Eeyore is: Donkey or Mule? The answer I received was overwhelmingly Donkey. (I also received one Ass. Thank you Mr. Howarth.) With so many people thinking that Eeyore is and has always been a donkey one would think he were happy. But I have it testimony from a very credible source that Eeyore still refers to himself in therapy sessions as a mule and because of this he is unhappy.
Eeyore's apparent lack of happiness in a life that seems to be incredibly successful to other people is not that uncommon. I even find that it extends to people. I have a friend, K_____, who seems to have everything going for her, but for some reason feels that she should stop everything she is doing to "examine" (please read as "create pointless drama about") several non-issues in her life. She broke with her boyfriend of seven years a couple of months ago and instead of being sad about it almost immediately jumped into the sack with not one, but two guys who just happen to both be good friends. (sounds like bad behavior, yeah?)
K______ also is losing a lot of weight and in my opinion looks great. So if she wanted to do a 10 hour long happy dance in front of Nagoya station I would be more than willing to provide her background music. She however feels that now is the time worry about what she feels. She thinks that nothing she feels is actually her own feelings because she has always been influenced by her friends. So now she doesn't feel that she can trust her own feelings until she can find a way to determine if her feelings are really her own.
If you didn't understand that join the club. I have been trying to tell K____ nicely to just get over it, but she doesn't hear me. She doesn't respect the words of her seer.
But K____ and Eeyore both illustrate my larger point....
I have one, but I don't know how to say it without sounding all preachy. I'm gonna go figure that out in another room.
Anyway his little statement made me start thinking about how people see each other and how they see themselves. Specifically it made me think of Eeyore. You remember Eeyore, the lovable, melancholy, little, gray, with a tacked on tail (donkey)?
Is he a donkey? Or is he a mule who realized late in life that he was no longer able to accept himself as mule because deep down he always knew he was a donkey? Is he the first trans-species patient in history? I think so.
I've been trying to understand why he is so sad. I believe that the problem is in his self image. It is common knowledge that mules, being true half breeds, are sterile. The unholy offspring of a horse and a donkey will never know the joy of creating their own little mule family. Eeyore clearly wanted to date and that is why he underwent his operation as evidenced by his "tail."
Now it is my belief, as well as that of the Three M Organization, that Eeyore's operation while successful did not put an end to his self loathing. Although he looks like a donkey, he is still unable to produce with a donkey. This has led him to an unfulfilling career in the human adult film industry. He finds himself able to make a living extremely well in Mexico.
I have conducted a small scale independent study, I e-mailed most of my friends, about what they think Eeyore is: Donkey or Mule? The answer I received was overwhelmingly Donkey. (I also received one Ass. Thank you Mr. Howarth.) With so many people thinking that Eeyore is and has always been a donkey one would think he were happy. But I have it testimony from a very credible source that Eeyore still refers to himself in therapy sessions as a mule and because of this he is unhappy.
Eeyore's apparent lack of happiness in a life that seems to be incredibly successful to other people is not that uncommon. I even find that it extends to people. I have a friend, K_____, who seems to have everything going for her, but for some reason feels that she should stop everything she is doing to "examine" (please read as "create pointless drama about") several non-issues in her life. She broke with her boyfriend of seven years a couple of months ago and instead of being sad about it almost immediately jumped into the sack with not one, but two guys who just happen to both be good friends. (sounds like bad behavior, yeah?)
K______ also is losing a lot of weight and in my opinion looks great. So if she wanted to do a 10 hour long happy dance in front of Nagoya station I would be more than willing to provide her background music. She however feels that now is the time worry about what she feels. She thinks that nothing she feels is actually her own feelings because she has always been influenced by her friends. So now she doesn't feel that she can trust her own feelings until she can find a way to determine if her feelings are really her own.
If you didn't understand that join the club. I have been trying to tell K____ nicely to just get over it, but she doesn't hear me. She doesn't respect the words of her seer.
But K____ and Eeyore both illustrate my larger point....
I have one, but I don't know how to say it without sounding all preachy. I'm gonna go figure that out in another room.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
...Where the boys will try to shinobi the money away, girls will openly challenge me/defy me for it. Perhaps the most popular tactic is to use their girlish charms on me - ask me nicely for the money, then bat their eyes and pout a little bit. And maybe, maybe that tactic would work if the girls were 5 years older, and looked like Ciara. But no, these are 15 year old Japanese girls, so it just has no effect.* Even if we were to ignore the 15-years old part (we can't, but just assuming we did) they're still Japanese girls who have the bodies of 12 year old Japanese boys. And for an unfortunate number of them, even when they do mature their bodies will only reach that of a 17-year old Japanese boy. Ladies - God hates you.
*The only, and I do mean only exception is Ultimate Sweetness. But since she is Sweetness, she'd never ask.
Sometimes however, the girls come up with methods that are a little more, uh, extreme.
Once, I was playing a betting game. I give the students a two-choice question, and they pick one choice and bet money on it. I give them $500 to start out. The first question I asked was - "Which is bigger? Japan, or California?" I love this question, because so many of the kids figure, "well, our entire *nation* has to at least be bigger than Az-sensei's home *state*, right?" WRONG! Eh heh heh heh, Gaijin Smashed.
With patriotism running high, lots of kids bet most if not all of their money on Japan. As did this one group of 5 girls one day, betting $400 of their $500 dollars. As I came by to collect, they gave me the puppy dog look, and when it immediately didn't work one of the girls tried reasoning with me. "You're not really gonna take the money away, are you?" I told them that I was, given how they'd lost the bet and all. At this point, the 5 girls literally throw themselves over the money, screaming "No!" One girl looks up at me and says, "You can do whatever you want to our bodies, but you're never taking our money!"Please do keep in mind that this is *fake* money.
But ... wow. Betcha by golly wow, if'n that aint the first, and hopefully last time, I've had five girls offer up their virgin (probably) bodies for me to violate as I pleased in order to protect $500 worth of *fake* money. And remember, from the girls POV, it's not like they're sacrificing themselves in front of some Japanese dude, no. They're doing this in front of a huge black man. Including the threat of a slow, horrible, painful death, a lifetime of being kicked in the nuts over and over again, and being locked in a room and being forced to watch Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell make sweet, sweet love to each other, I can think of NOTHING that would EVER make me offer up my body to a black man twice my size to do with as he pleased.
And this is for FAKE money!
I stood with my arms crossed and glared at them, and they eventually caved and let me collect the $400. The one girl who tried to reason with me before, she held the $100 and looked at it with a sense of ultimate despair. She then turns to me and simply says, "don't worry, we'll get it back." And as she said this, the skies darkened, a thousand bunny rabbits died, and 4 My Little Ponies were euthanized and turned into Elmer's Glue.Taken from GaijinSmash.net, "money, money, money"
things that will never happen and are completely unexpected
A few months ago I met a Brazilian guy on the internet and we fooled around a bit. To date he is the only person to give me a good blow job. Like real good. My toes curled, but he couldn't finish it.
Anyway since that first meeting he hasn't called or mailed me at all. I got pissed about it and had taken his name, Alex, out of my mental Rolodex and was preparing to do a bit of house cleaning on my address book, but all of a sudden the bastard sent me a message.
I was shocked. I was even more shocked when the bastard basically asked me to help him find a roommate for him. It was like he thought him sucking my dick one good time would equal me pairing him with one of my friends financially and bullshit. Well I lied and said I would ask around. (I did. I asked one whole person.)
This past Friday he suddenly texted me at around 8:30. I was like what the hell does he want now. It turns out hi new job is at the next station from me and that he wanted to come over. Now what you should know is that I haven't cleaned my apartment in like a month and when there is a chance that I might get some present I like to put forward my best and most fake foot. So I told him that he couldn't come over at first, but his English is so bad that I couldn't really make him understand why so I just caved in and said yeah. That gave me approximately 15 minutes to "clean" my apartment, clean myself, and go meet him at the train station.
I made it. I know I am amazing. I grabbed a pair of dirty underwear. Slung all of my clothes into my closet and gave my apartment a two second sweep. Basically I pushed the big stuff under the bed and refrigerator.
He came over and we made small talk for a while and then we started trying to fool around. That boy gives some good head. Eventually he wanted me to fuck him.
This is getting a little too graphic. Basically we couldn't do everything cuz I didn't have any lube. He tried. He wanted it. But there is only so much you can do with spit and prayer. Anyway we gave up and he went home. But now that he works like 5 minutes away there might actually be a repeat which is why I decided to become proactive.
I went to the porn store. Actually its called Pink Zaurs Sexy Video. I went there yesterday while I was still floating on my Dream Girls high. You see Japan seems to not know that you should sell lube and shit in the pharmacy. I mean they probably do but I don't know how to ask. I mean how exactly do you pantomime lube without being viewed as a pervert. So I went to Sexy Video and looked for lube.
Now normally in the US I would be horrified to go the porno store. Once when I went I was quickly surrounded by like 4 police cars. I've had bad experiences, but for some reason I don't feel any of that here. So I go in the store. Say, "what's up" to clerk number 1 walk around the first floor for a minute and then go up to the second floor. Clerk Number 1 was cute... for a pink cheeked guy who works the counter in a porno store. Clerk Number 2 was a bit different. He just looked like a nasty, balding middle aged man with a pony tail and a few teeth staring deeply into a lingerie magazine. Gross people. He was gross. So I tried to not look directly at him. I quickly found what i was looking for, Astroglide, and then decided to find something else.
A cockring.
But I was having trouble finding a good one. They all had these scary (stimulating) spikes that just looked designed to kill and since I wasn't on the first floor and I'm not in America I swallowed my pride and asked Clerk Number 2 for help. I approached him and said in broken japanese and english that I wanted a cockring without the little studs. I could type out what I actually said but I think I would lose a little self respect if I actually saw it. He looked at me and said "ok" and then proceeded to show me various over priced cock rings... all of which were too small. Eventually I saw a set that was made or rubber and looked okay. I bought it. While I was looking at the rings with number 2 I'm sure he was wondering why I would want a cockring and lube, and I know he was wondering how big my dick is. Cause he kept looking at the smaller rings and then looking at me saying "no, no."
That was a strange day. Now I just need to figure out how to wear this damn thing.
Anyway since that first meeting he hasn't called or mailed me at all. I got pissed about it and had taken his name, Alex, out of my mental Rolodex and was preparing to do a bit of house cleaning on my address book, but all of a sudden the bastard sent me a message.
I was shocked. I was even more shocked when the bastard basically asked me to help him find a roommate for him. It was like he thought him sucking my dick one good time would equal me pairing him with one of my friends financially and bullshit. Well I lied and said I would ask around. (I did. I asked one whole person.)
This past Friday he suddenly texted me at around 8:30. I was like what the hell does he want now. It turns out hi new job is at the next station from me and that he wanted to come over. Now what you should know is that I haven't cleaned my apartment in like a month and when there is a chance that I might get some present I like to put forward my best and most fake foot. So I told him that he couldn't come over at first, but his English is so bad that I couldn't really make him understand why so I just caved in and said yeah. That gave me approximately 15 minutes to "clean" my apartment, clean myself, and go meet him at the train station.
I made it. I know I am amazing. I grabbed a pair of dirty underwear. Slung all of my clothes into my closet and gave my apartment a two second sweep. Basically I pushed the big stuff under the bed and refrigerator.
He came over and we made small talk for a while and then we started trying to fool around. That boy gives some good head. Eventually he wanted me to fuck him.
This is getting a little too graphic. Basically we couldn't do everything cuz I didn't have any lube. He tried. He wanted it. But there is only so much you can do with spit and prayer. Anyway we gave up and he went home. But now that he works like 5 minutes away there might actually be a repeat which is why I decided to become proactive.
I went to the porn store. Actually its called Pink Zaurs Sexy Video. I went there yesterday while I was still floating on my Dream Girls high. You see Japan seems to not know that you should sell lube and shit in the pharmacy. I mean they probably do but I don't know how to ask. I mean how exactly do you pantomime lube without being viewed as a pervert. So I went to Sexy Video and looked for lube.
Now normally in the US I would be horrified to go the porno store. Once when I went I was quickly surrounded by like 4 police cars. I've had bad experiences, but for some reason I don't feel any of that here. So I go in the store. Say, "what's up" to clerk number 1 walk around the first floor for a minute and then go up to the second floor. Clerk Number 1 was cute... for a pink cheeked guy who works the counter in a porno store. Clerk Number 2 was a bit different. He just looked like a nasty, balding middle aged man with a pony tail and a few teeth staring deeply into a lingerie magazine. Gross people. He was gross. So I tried to not look directly at him. I quickly found what i was looking for, Astroglide, and then decided to find something else.
A cockring.
But I was having trouble finding a good one. They all had these scary (stimulating) spikes that just looked designed to kill and since I wasn't on the first floor and I'm not in America I swallowed my pride and asked Clerk Number 2 for help. I approached him and said in broken japanese and english that I wanted a cockring without the little studs. I could type out what I actually said but I think I would lose a little self respect if I actually saw it. He looked at me and said "ok" and then proceeded to show me various over priced cock rings... all of which were too small. Eventually I saw a set that was made or rubber and looked okay. I bought it. While I was looking at the rings with number 2 I'm sure he was wondering why I would want a cockring and lube, and I know he was wondering how big my dick is. Cause he kept looking at the smaller rings and then looking at me saying "no, no."
That was a strange day. Now I just need to figure out how to wear this damn thing.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Subway Funk
I think that recently I have some type of personal metamorphosis. Things that I wouldn't have done not a couple of months suddenly seem OK and things that should bother me on some level just don't seem to any more. It is strange but interesting.
Lately I've started to enjoy riding the subway again. For a good while now I've been in a bit of a subway funk. The thought of rushing underground again to sit with a bunch of strange people who oscillate between refusing to acknowledge my existence and being completely awestruck by that "thing" thing on my face has been making me feel sick. (What thing you ask?I don't know. Maybe the black.) Anyway the magic of the subway has come back to me. I think subway love/hate is like constantly spinning on a little lopsided wheel some where. I am currently on that tiny love side.
Anyway I have been seeing the most interesting people on the subway lately. Like today I saw this girl/boy who was absolutely disgusting. S/he looked to be about 15 and cute. Tomboyish is the word. I actually could not tell what S/he was so I'm just gonna call her/him Terri. Now when Terri sat down it was shocking. Because most Japanese people, unless they are drunk, try to be as unobtrusive in life as is humanly possible, but not Terri. that fool before even sitting down all but slammed this huge Adidas sports bag (all of the cool nonconformist kids have one) onto the ground and then immediately one up that bang with a terrible pow as s/he flopped down into a seat.
Now as I said, Terri is a cute person, but the way s/he was dressed made it difficult to tell if s/he was a boy or girl. S/he was wearing a tight pants (girl) with a camouflage design (boy) and a red hoody (unisex) with a dark blue coat over it (also unisex). S/he had him/her hat cut in a short bobbish style (girl) but had it dyed and covering part of his/her face (japan cool). This was accessorised with cute little earrings... studs I think (girl) and a second large ugly bag (boy).
But I think the one thing that will decide this ugly debate is the way that Terri was acting. S/he ate boogers. Its true. I would not have believed if s/he hadn't done it several times. The ride from Nagoya station to Fukiage station is only twelve minutes. In that amount of time you would have thought that Terri had decided to feast upon the best lunch ever. In and out, deeper and deeper SHE (I've decided that Terri is a girl. A disgusting girl. Because even though the man sitting next me blew his nose four times into a wet wipe and then folded it and started to wipe his face and hands with I'm certain that he would not eat his nasal treasure.) Terri was all but smacking with glee. I had to fight hard to suppress an urge to write out "You are a disgusting monkey baby" on a piece of paper and hand it to her.
Just disgusting.
The subway has been yielding a lot of confusion lately. On Friday I went to immigration to apply for an extension on my visa. (That is a story unto itself.) On my way there I saw the most beautiful sleeping man. Sleeping on the train is like a rite of passage here Japan. (I wonder what happens when you finally succeed.) This dude seemed to be a pro at sleeping. People got up, people sat down, the train stopped and started again and this guy just seemed oblivious the entire time. He only came to when he realized his stop was near. (Developing the ability to sense that your stop is approaching while in a deep sleep is another rite here.) When he woke up he was still beautiful. He was dressed kinda shabbily but I just assumed that was because he was a student and it was early in the morning. He wore sandals and socks (a motherfucking crime), sweat pants, a flannel button up shirt and this big darker than powder blue (somebody help me) knit jacket thing and he had the requisite bag. It looked like a bag of random loose paper, but I was too far to verify that.
Anyway he looked exquisitely thrown away. *sigh* but when he got up he looked exquisitely drunk. He swayed when he walked. Then he started to look exquisitely crazy. He was counting something out in the air and kinda rolling his head loosely on his shoulders while maintaining his little sway and when he walked he kinda jerked and weaved back and forth. Not cute. retarded....mentally challenged. Such a tragedy. So cute.
But it got me wondering, "Is it wrong to find retarded people attractive?"
I mean this guy was a bonafide cutie who just happened to not be all there. Is it wrong for me to think that. I hope not because I will just have to be wrong for while. I bet he would photograph well. The subway is always packed with really cute people who make you feel guilty for thinking that they are cute. Usually the junior high kids and the high school kids do this but I don't see any reason to deny retarded folks their moment in the sun.
I know that "retarded" is not the most politically correct term, but political correctness gets on my damn nerves. Besides I have a cousin who is retarded and I love that guy to death. I don't mean any kinda ill will towards any one.
There was another cute guy who got on the train today. And there was that cute boy on the platform. hmm then a cute older guy dozing on the way to Tsu. You know I'm starting to recognize people on the subway. "Oddly" they are all men. I can't for the life of me remember a single one of the women who I ride the train with.
Bizarre, yeah?
Lately I've started to enjoy riding the subway again. For a good while now I've been in a bit of a subway funk. The thought of rushing underground again to sit with a bunch of strange people who oscillate between refusing to acknowledge my existence and being completely awestruck by that "thing" thing on my face has been making me feel sick. (What thing you ask?I don't know. Maybe the black.) Anyway the magic of the subway has come back to me. I think subway love/hate is like constantly spinning on a little lopsided wheel some where. I am currently on that tiny love side.
Anyway I have been seeing the most interesting people on the subway lately. Like today I saw this girl/boy who was absolutely disgusting. S/he looked to be about 15 and cute. Tomboyish is the word. I actually could not tell what S/he was so I'm just gonna call her/him Terri. Now when Terri sat down it was shocking. Because most Japanese people, unless they are drunk, try to be as unobtrusive in life as is humanly possible, but not Terri. that fool before even sitting down all but slammed this huge Adidas sports bag (all of the cool nonconformist kids have one) onto the ground and then immediately one up that bang with a terrible pow as s/he flopped down into a seat.
Now as I said, Terri is a cute person, but the way s/he was dressed made it difficult to tell if s/he was a boy or girl. S/he was wearing a tight pants (girl) with a camouflage design (boy) and a red hoody (unisex) with a dark blue coat over it (also unisex). S/he had him/her hat cut in a short bobbish style (girl) but had it dyed and covering part of his/her face (japan cool). This was accessorised with cute little earrings... studs I think (girl) and a second large ugly bag (boy).
But I think the one thing that will decide this ugly debate is the way that Terri was acting. S/he ate boogers. Its true. I would not have believed if s/he hadn't done it several times. The ride from Nagoya station to Fukiage station is only twelve minutes. In that amount of time you would have thought that Terri had decided to feast upon the best lunch ever. In and out, deeper and deeper SHE (I've decided that Terri is a girl. A disgusting girl. Because even though the man sitting next me blew his nose four times into a wet wipe and then folded it and started to wipe his face and hands with I'm certain that he would not eat his nasal treasure.) Terri was all but smacking with glee. I had to fight hard to suppress an urge to write out "You are a disgusting monkey baby" on a piece of paper and hand it to her.
Just disgusting.
The subway has been yielding a lot of confusion lately. On Friday I went to immigration to apply for an extension on my visa. (That is a story unto itself.) On my way there I saw the most beautiful sleeping man. Sleeping on the train is like a rite of passage here Japan. (I wonder what happens when you finally succeed.) This dude seemed to be a pro at sleeping. People got up, people sat down, the train stopped and started again and this guy just seemed oblivious the entire time. He only came to when he realized his stop was near. (Developing the ability to sense that your stop is approaching while in a deep sleep is another rite here.) When he woke up he was still beautiful. He was dressed kinda shabbily but I just assumed that was because he was a student and it was early in the morning. He wore sandals and socks (a motherfucking crime), sweat pants, a flannel button up shirt and this big darker than powder blue (somebody help me) knit jacket thing and he had the requisite bag. It looked like a bag of random loose paper, but I was too far to verify that.
Anyway he looked exquisitely thrown away. *sigh* but when he got up he looked exquisitely drunk. He swayed when he walked. Then he started to look exquisitely crazy. He was counting something out in the air and kinda rolling his head loosely on his shoulders while maintaining his little sway and when he walked he kinda jerked and weaved back and forth. Not cute. retarded....mentally challenged. Such a tragedy. So cute.
But it got me wondering, "Is it wrong to find retarded people attractive?"
I mean this guy was a bonafide cutie who just happened to not be all there. Is it wrong for me to think that. I hope not because I will just have to be wrong for while. I bet he would photograph well. The subway is always packed with really cute people who make you feel guilty for thinking that they are cute. Usually the junior high kids and the high school kids do this but I don't see any reason to deny retarded folks their moment in the sun.
I know that "retarded" is not the most politically correct term, but political correctness gets on my damn nerves. Besides I have a cousin who is retarded and I love that guy to death. I don't mean any kinda ill will towards any one.
There was another cute guy who got on the train today. And there was that cute boy on the platform. hmm then a cute older guy dozing on the way to Tsu. You know I'm starting to recognize people on the subway. "Oddly" they are all men. I can't for the life of me remember a single one of the women who I ride the train with.
Bizarre, yeah?
Dream Girls
I saw Dream Girls.
My life has been changed.
I might watch it again. I'm homesick now. Watching people lipsynch to their own voices made remember just how much I enjoy hearing people sing. Like my older sister has aggravated me for years with her singing (she sings wonderfully, but always a little too close to my ears and always loud as hell). I miss it now though.
Anyway, the movie was so good that I got all misty in the first few moments of the movie. Like they were doing the first number in those ugly orange dresses and I was almost moved to tears. It was so good. SO GOOD!!! I think I have to see it again.
I love Jennifer Hudson. That bitch can sing.... SANG!!!! That girl was working it in the movie. She better win something... anything. Even a fucking candy bar will be enough. She was so good. I was so impressed.
Beyonce is a scary Diana Ross look-a-like.
I just saw the movie and I'm having trouble getting my thoughts together. It was so good.
AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
good
My life has been changed.
I might watch it again. I'm homesick now. Watching people lipsynch to their own voices made remember just how much I enjoy hearing people sing. Like my older sister has aggravated me for years with her singing (she sings wonderfully, but always a little too close to my ears and always loud as hell). I miss it now though.
Anyway, the movie was so good that I got all misty in the first few moments of the movie. Like they were doing the first number in those ugly orange dresses and I was almost moved to tears. It was so good. SO GOOD!!! I think I have to see it again.
I love Jennifer Hudson. That bitch can sing.... SANG!!!! That girl was working it in the movie. She better win something... anything. Even a fucking candy bar will be enough. She was so good. I was so impressed.
Beyonce is a scary Diana Ross look-a-like.
I just saw the movie and I'm having trouble getting my thoughts together. It was so good.
AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
good
Sunday, February 11, 2007
short sweet confused
I feel lonely.
Well, not really lonely just bored.
I feel like going somewhere but I don't have any money and most of my friends are no where to be found.
I'm not hungry. But I could eat.
I'm not horny, but I could fuck.
I think the guy I've been fooling around with, Toshi, has grown tired of me. He hasn't called me over for the second week in a row. So now I'm trying to find someone to come suck my dick, but I'm not horny. That cold equal a lot of work for someone.
Here is a question.
If you had to make your "last stand" where wold you do it? How would you do it? And, most importantly, what music wold be playing? (only rules here are keep your weapons and places limited to what YOU can carry and the realm of reality.)
Well, not really lonely just bored.
I feel like going somewhere but I don't have any money and most of my friends are no where to be found.
I'm not hungry. But I could eat.
I'm not horny, but I could fuck.
I think the guy I've been fooling around with, Toshi, has grown tired of me. He hasn't called me over for the second week in a row. So now I'm trying to find someone to come suck my dick, but I'm not horny. That cold equal a lot of work for someone.
Here is a question.
If you had to make your "last stand" where wold you do it? How would you do it? And, most importantly, what music wold be playing? (only rules here are keep your weapons and places limited to what YOU can carry and the realm of reality.)
Monday, February 05, 2007
Yogi
Camp Boozy bear plunders campers' beer
Campground workers were stunned to come across the bear sleeping off the effects in their grounds, surrounded by dozens of empty beer cans.
But this was no ordinary case of a bear with a sore head at Baker Lake resort, 80 miles (129km) northeast of Seattle.
He had apparently tried out and rejected the mass-market Busch beer in favour of local brand Rainier.
The bear appeared to have got into campers' cool boxes and used his teeth and claws to puncture the cans.Beer trap
Fish and wildlife enforcement Sgt Bill Heinck said the bear tried one can of Busch and ignored the rest - then got stuck into three dozen cans of Rainier.
"We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around," camp worker Lisa Broxson was quoted by Reuters news agency as saying.
She said the bear was chased away by wildlife agents, but returned the next day.
The agents decided to trap the bear with doughnuts, honey and, of course, two cans of Rainier beer. It did the trick and he was captured.
"This is a new one on me," Sgt Heinck said in an Associated Press report. "I've known them to get into cans, but nothing like this. And it definitely had a preference."from bbcnews.com
"We always knew that Yogi had a problem. All the signs were there. We're listening now Yogi. We are here to help you."
~Alcoholics Anonymous of America, AAA
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Some more random questions
1. At what point does a fever start to cause brain damage?
2. If you know the person who made you sick is it okay, after becoming well, to go beat their ass?
3. Why is it that every time I get sick my eyes imediately become sore?
4. Why is every show at one point or another dedicated to taking closeups of someone making a piece of food quiver on chopsticks in Japan?
5. Will I get any sleep tonight?
2. If you know the person who made you sick is it okay, after becoming well, to go beat their ass?
3. Why is it that every time I get sick my eyes imediately become sore?
4. Why is every show at one point or another dedicated to taking closeups of someone making a piece of food quiver on chopsticks in Japan?
5. Will I get any sleep tonight?
Friday, February 02, 2007
NOVA
I'm thirsty and just the slightest bit bored. Actually very bored and hungry. Normally, on Thursday, I would not have time to dwell on me hunger, but seeing as how my normally wonderful student, Miki, has decided to forsake me I have a sudden overabundance of time to ponder.
Fear not. I will not regale you with tales of my limitless hunger or of the fiery, acidic morning shits that come from a dinner that includes hot salsa and onions... lots of onions. I will instead tell you about some recent Japanese news. News that for once might actually be relevant to me.
Drugs. Plain and Simple. Drugs people and the overwhelming Japanese assumption that foreigners bring them into the country and the ways in which some foreigners work hard to feed this assumption with truth.
Recently 7 NOVA teachers were recently arrested for drug possession. Who is NOVA? Basically a company who didn't hire me. Fools who deserve whatever they get after hiring morons and passing over me, a diamond of the highest quality.
The Story...
Seven foreign teachers working at the NOVA English language conversation school have been arrested on suspicion of violating a law on illegal drugs and the Cannabis Control Law, police said Wednesday.
Police accuse the seven of possessing five bags containing a total of about 1.5 grams of powdered cocaine, and 15 bags containing a total of about 8.2 grams of cannabis, on a street in Tokyo's Roppongi district on Nov. 19 last year.
Investigators said a 32-year-old American teacher who was arrested on the spot on the same day told police another NOVA teacher had made a request for the drugs. The 32-year-old said the drugs were purchased from a street dealer.
Six other suspects later surfaced, including a 35-year-old teacher from Canada who was working at the same classroom in Saitama Prefecture, police said. (Mainichi)
from Mainichi Daily News
Funny, yeah? It would seem that someone, the 35 year-old guy mentioned whose name is actually Errin Valentine, was arrested by the police and quickly gave up his friends. You see the Japanese police have a one-up on American police when it comes to interrogation. Actually two-up. They can hold you on suspicion for up to 24 days with out allowing you to make phone calls or anything and they also do not have to feed you. So in my mind they have 24 days to interrogate and starve you. I call that torture, but I'm sure they have a better name for it.
Anyway this story gets even funnier when it comes to my company. Before I even had a chance to read about this story on the Internet I received a letter from some trick within the company vaguely stating the company's stance on drugs and threatening in a round about way to leave your sorry, drugged up, crazy gaijin ass out to dry alone. They will pull back from you completely with no pay. This was said vaguely but if you look at your contract it is there in slightly less vague, but just as easy to manipulate by a poorly trained lawyer print.
I wasn't bothered by the letter at first but after talking with some of the other foreign staff members I started to wonder why we were even given this letter. When I received this letter it seemed like a gift. This cute Japanese chick came bouncing up with a shiny face and a glowing smile. She like, "Here Tommie," and did like a happy bow and bounced off to deliver the letter to the other teachers. After talking to the other teachers I flagged her down and asked her if she ha received a letter as well.
At first she looked confused like, "What is he asking me?" And then as understanding set in her face seemed to say, "Why are you asking me that?" The Japanese have an assume that foreigners bring in all the drugs and she seemed a little offended that I would even insinuate that she would need to be reminded that she should not use drugs.
Why is this? I don't know but I'll talk about it later.
Fear not. I will not regale you with tales of my limitless hunger or of the fiery, acidic morning shits that come from a dinner that includes hot salsa and onions... lots of onions. I will instead tell you about some recent Japanese news. News that for once might actually be relevant to me.
Drugs. Plain and Simple. Drugs people and the overwhelming Japanese assumption that foreigners bring them into the country and the ways in which some foreigners work hard to feed this assumption with truth.
Recently 7 NOVA teachers were recently arrested for drug possession. Who is NOVA? Basically a company who didn't hire me. Fools who deserve whatever they get after hiring morons and passing over me, a diamond of the highest quality.
The Story...
7 NOVA teachers arrested for possessing cannabis, cocaine
Seven foreign teachers working at the NOVA English language conversation school have been arrested on suspicion of violating a law on illegal drugs and the Cannabis Control Law, police said Wednesday.
Police accuse the seven of possessing five bags containing a total of about 1.5 grams of powdered cocaine, and 15 bags containing a total of about 8.2 grams of cannabis, on a street in Tokyo's Roppongi district on Nov. 19 last year.
Investigators said a 32-year-old American teacher who was arrested on the spot on the same day told police another NOVA teacher had made a request for the drugs. The 32-year-old said the drugs were purchased from a street dealer.
Six other suspects later surfaced, including a 35-year-old teacher from Canada who was working at the same classroom in Saitama Prefecture, police said. (Mainichi)
from Mainichi Daily News
Funny, yeah? It would seem that someone, the 35 year-old guy mentioned whose name is actually Errin Valentine, was arrested by the police and quickly gave up his friends. You see the Japanese police have a one-up on American police when it comes to interrogation. Actually two-up. They can hold you on suspicion for up to 24 days with out allowing you to make phone calls or anything and they also do not have to feed you. So in my mind they have 24 days to interrogate and starve you. I call that torture, but I'm sure they have a better name for it.
Anyway this story gets even funnier when it comes to my company. Before I even had a chance to read about this story on the Internet I received a letter from some trick within the company vaguely stating the company's stance on drugs and threatening in a round about way to leave your sorry, drugged up, crazy gaijin ass out to dry alone. They will pull back from you completely with no pay. This was said vaguely but if you look at your contract it is there in slightly less vague, but just as easy to manipulate by a poorly trained lawyer print.
I wasn't bothered by the letter at first but after talking with some of the other foreign staff members I started to wonder why we were even given this letter. When I received this letter it seemed like a gift. This cute Japanese chick came bouncing up with a shiny face and a glowing smile. She like, "Here Tommie," and did like a happy bow and bounced off to deliver the letter to the other teachers. After talking to the other teachers I flagged her down and asked her if she ha received a letter as well.
At first she looked confused like, "What is he asking me?" And then as understanding set in her face seemed to say, "Why are you asking me that?" The Japanese have an assume that foreigners bring in all the drugs and she seemed a little offended that I would even insinuate that she would need to be reminded that she should not use drugs.
Why is this? I don't know but I'll talk about it later.
You scored as The all-round cute gay guy. YOu are a cute guy who many would die to be with..........lucky!!
What type of Gay are YOU? created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, February 01, 2007
revelations from a some time seer
1. 7 minutes in Heaven
The problem with being tuned into the world of the possible and the impossible is that often the line between past, present, and future... all possible futures is often blurred to incomprehensible levels. Take this morning as an example. Between 7:10 and 7:18 I was lost in a trance. A deep trance in which I was allowed to feel up one of my bosses.
It started with me in bed. It was early in the morning. The sky outside was that milky blue gray that you see just before the sun appears properly. I was considering not going to work, as is my habit in the morning, and after about 5 minutes picked up the phone and called the office. (keep in mind that the office doesn't open until about 9.) The guy, M____, answered the phone, and listened carefully as I spun a dreadful lie. Probably a mix of diarrhea, fictional exhaustion, and something that made him suddenly say he would come to my place immediately to check on me an so he did.
Suddenly he was standing in my horrifically dirty apartment in the suit that I complemented him on yesterday. I was shocked to say the least and knew that since he had come all this way I had to at least act the part of a sick person. He came over and felt my head and what not. His hands were cool and felt so nice. They reminded of my mother's hands. Strange, yeah? Then he asked if I wanted to skip the whole day or just a few classes. I said a few classes and he suggested the ones at the beginning.
Then the dream got weird. He started to get undressed. Like he was peeling off his suit and shirt and was just standing their in his boxers. I was taken back but decided to ignore it. He then sat on the floor and leaned back on the bed and then started to call the office to report that I would be missing those classes. I am a touchy person so I started playing with his hair and rubbing on his chest a little. Then I was sitting behind him rubbing on his chest and stomach .Suddenly I felt really weak. Like my body got heavy and felt like a sack of potatoes. I sorta just leaned back over on the bed exhausted and just laid there. Then I told him that i should probably miss the whole day and he's like, "Come on Tommie. You can't die." He was rubbing my head and neck again and then I woke up.
The alarm was going off.
I honestly couldn't tell for a while if I actually made that call or if any of that happened. But I'm gonna go to work anyway and see if their is someone working in my place for the first two classes.
hmm... cute guy on tv. He is really cute. Why is he working out with old women?
2. The weight of the future
The problems inherent in knowing the future are easily understood and discovered even by the dimmest of minds. But the weight of the future is only bestowed upon us few great people. I actually have never met a person who knew the future as well as I do. But enough of that. I could list the problems with knowing the future. There are many, but I will simply tell you the most challenging: the overwhelming urge to scream "I told you so!" at every moment of every day.
This morning I recieveed an phone e-mail from one of my Japanese friends telling me to call my friend J____. He said that J____ urged me to do it asap. Already, I was referencing all of the visions that I had had on him. I was in Japanese class so I said I would do it when I got home. I did.
Within moments of him answering the phone J____ was crying and immediately I knew what had happened. J_____'s boyfriend, whom we will call Beezlebub or Bee, had called J_____ this morning and told him rather briskly that it was over. I had seen this many months ago and, in an attempt to prep J_____ , had joked with him about it. My preparations seem to not have been sufficient for the onslaught of abandonment that Bee was thrusting upon him . Bee said that he found a new job on a cruise ship inthe Carribbean, obviously a lie, and would not be able to come to Australia as he and J______ had been planning. He also stated that he was not willing to do the long distance thing (possibly the only truth he has uttered in their entire relationship.) and that the reason for this is that he wants to workout (ha!) and study on the ship.
J______ was devestated. Sobbing. Loudly. On the phone. Calls to Australia are not cheap, but there is no way to communicate things like cost to grief-stricken people. So I just listened to his incoherent wailing, mumbled that it would be ok, and seriously considered honoring his request to go punch Beezlebub in the throat.
I saw this breakup coming and so it pained me to finally watch it taking place. You see we seers see many possible futures with different outcomes, but in all of the futures I saw for J_____ and Bee everything happened after this breakup. It was inevitable as they see.
3. Speaking in Strange Tongues
The problem with having so many visions and ultimately knowing the future is that you feel compelled to share your findings with the masses. This is very difficult if you do not know the language of your audience. I find that learning Japanese is impossible, but meeting cute Nepalese guys who need your help in "learning the language" is easy. So the final problem of being a seer is clear:
Find time to teach cute nepalese boy to "speak in tongues."
The problem with being tuned into the world of the possible and the impossible is that often the line between past, present, and future... all possible futures is often blurred to incomprehensible levels. Take this morning as an example. Between 7:10 and 7:18 I was lost in a trance. A deep trance in which I was allowed to feel up one of my bosses.
It started with me in bed. It was early in the morning. The sky outside was that milky blue gray that you see just before the sun appears properly. I was considering not going to work, as is my habit in the morning, and after about 5 minutes picked up the phone and called the office. (keep in mind that the office doesn't open until about 9.) The guy, M____, answered the phone, and listened carefully as I spun a dreadful lie. Probably a mix of diarrhea, fictional exhaustion, and something that made him suddenly say he would come to my place immediately to check on me an so he did.
Suddenly he was standing in my horrifically dirty apartment in the suit that I complemented him on yesterday. I was shocked to say the least and knew that since he had come all this way I had to at least act the part of a sick person. He came over and felt my head and what not. His hands were cool and felt so nice. They reminded of my mother's hands. Strange, yeah? Then he asked if I wanted to skip the whole day or just a few classes. I said a few classes and he suggested the ones at the beginning.
Then the dream got weird. He started to get undressed. Like he was peeling off his suit and shirt and was just standing their in his boxers. I was taken back but decided to ignore it. He then sat on the floor and leaned back on the bed and then started to call the office to report that I would be missing those classes. I am a touchy person so I started playing with his hair and rubbing on his chest a little. Then I was sitting behind him rubbing on his chest and stomach .Suddenly I felt really weak. Like my body got heavy and felt like a sack of potatoes. I sorta just leaned back over on the bed exhausted and just laid there. Then I told him that i should probably miss the whole day and he's like, "Come on Tommie. You can't die." He was rubbing my head and neck again and then I woke up.
The alarm was going off.
I honestly couldn't tell for a while if I actually made that call or if any of that happened. But I'm gonna go to work anyway and see if their is someone working in my place for the first two classes.
hmm... cute guy on tv. He is really cute. Why is he working out with old women?
2. The weight of the future
The problems inherent in knowing the future are easily understood and discovered even by the dimmest of minds. But the weight of the future is only bestowed upon us few great people. I actually have never met a person who knew the future as well as I do. But enough of that. I could list the problems with knowing the future. There are many, but I will simply tell you the most challenging: the overwhelming urge to scream "I told you so!" at every moment of every day.
This morning I recieveed an phone e-mail from one of my Japanese friends telling me to call my friend J____. He said that J____ urged me to do it asap. Already, I was referencing all of the visions that I had had on him. I was in Japanese class so I said I would do it when I got home. I did.
Within moments of him answering the phone J____ was crying and immediately I knew what had happened. J_____'s boyfriend, whom we will call Beezlebub or Bee, had called J_____ this morning and told him rather briskly that it was over. I had seen this many months ago and, in an attempt to prep J_____ , had joked with him about it. My preparations seem to not have been sufficient for the onslaught of abandonment that Bee was thrusting upon him . Bee said that he found a new job on a cruise ship inthe Carribbean, obviously a lie, and would not be able to come to Australia as he and J______ had been planning. He also stated that he was not willing to do the long distance thing (possibly the only truth he has uttered in their entire relationship.) and that the reason for this is that he wants to workout (ha!) and study on the ship.
J______ was devestated. Sobbing. Loudly. On the phone. Calls to Australia are not cheap, but there is no way to communicate things like cost to grief-stricken people. So I just listened to his incoherent wailing, mumbled that it would be ok, and seriously considered honoring his request to go punch Beezlebub in the throat.
I saw this breakup coming and so it pained me to finally watch it taking place. You see we seers see many possible futures with different outcomes, but in all of the futures I saw for J_____ and Bee everything happened after this breakup. It was inevitable as they see.
3. Speaking in Strange Tongues
The problem with having so many visions and ultimately knowing the future is that you feel compelled to share your findings with the masses. This is very difficult if you do not know the language of your audience. I find that learning Japanese is impossible, but meeting cute Nepalese guys who need your help in "learning the language" is easy. So the final problem of being a seer is clear:
Find time to teach cute nepalese boy to "speak in tongues."
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