things that will never happen and are completely unexpected

A few months ago I met a Brazilian guy on the internet and we fooled around a bit. To date he is the only person to give me a good blow job. Like real good. My toes curled, but he couldn't finish it.

Anyway since that first meeting he hasn't called or mailed me at all. I got pissed about it and had taken his name, Alex, out of my mental Rolodex and was preparing to do a bit of house cleaning on my address book, but all of a sudden the bastard sent me a message.

I was shocked. I was even more shocked when the bastard basically asked me to help him find a roommate for him. It was like he thought him sucking my dick one good time would equal me pairing him with one of my friends financially and bullshit. Well I lied and said I would ask around. (I did. I asked one whole person.)

This past Friday he suddenly texted me at around 8:30. I was like what the hell does he want now. It turns out hi new job is at the next station from me and that he wanted to come over. Now what you should know is that I haven't cleaned my apartment in like a month and when there is a chance that I might get some present I like to put forward my best and most fake foot. So I told him that he couldn't come over at first, but his English is so bad that I couldn't really make him understand why so I just caved in and said yeah. That gave me approximately 15 minutes to "clean" my apartment, clean myself, and go meet him at the train station.

I made it. I know I am amazing. I grabbed a pair of dirty underwear. Slung all of my clothes into my closet and gave my apartment a two second sweep. Basically I pushed the big stuff under the bed and refrigerator.

He came over and we made small talk for a while and then we started trying to fool around. That boy gives some good head. Eventually he wanted me to fuck him.

This is getting a little too graphic. Basically we couldn't do everything cuz I didn't have any lube. He tried. He wanted it. But there is only so much you can do with spit and prayer. Anyway we gave up and he went home. But now that he works like 5 minutes away there might actually be a repeat which is why I decided to become proactive.

I went to the porn store. Actually its called Pink Zaurs Sexy Video. I went there yesterday while I was still floating on my Dream Girls high. You see Japan seems to not know that you should sell lube and shit in the pharmacy. I mean they probably do but I don't know how to ask. I mean how exactly do you pantomime lube without being viewed as a pervert. So I went to Sexy Video and looked for lube.

Now normally in the US I would be horrified to go the porno store. Once when I went I was quickly surrounded by like 4 police cars. I've had bad experiences, but for some reason I don't feel any of that here. So I go in the store. Say, "what's up" to clerk number 1 walk around the first floor for a minute and then go up to the second floor. Clerk Number 1 was cute... for a pink cheeked guy who works the counter in a porno store. Clerk Number 2 was a bit different. He just looked like a nasty, balding middle aged man with a pony tail and a few teeth staring deeply into a lingerie magazine. Gross people. He was gross. So I tried to not look directly at him. I quickly found what i was looking for, Astroglide, and then decided to find something else.

A cockring.

But I was having trouble finding a good one. They all had these scary (stimulating) spikes that just looked designed to kill and since I wasn't on the first floor and I'm not in America I swallowed my pride and asked Clerk Number 2 for help. I approached him and said in broken japanese and english that I wanted a cockring without the little studs. I could type out what I actually said but I think I would lose a little self respect if I actually saw it. He looked at me and said "ok" and then proceeded to show me various over priced cock rings... all of which were too small. Eventually I saw a set that was made or rubber and looked okay. I bought it. While I was looking at the rings with number 2 I'm sure he was wondering why I would want a cockring and lube, and I know he was wondering how big my dick is. Cause he kept looking at the smaller rings and then looking at me saying "no, no."

That was a strange day. Now I just need to figure out how to wear this damn thing.