Sunday, February 18, 2007


...Where the boys will try to shinobi the money away, girls will openly challenge me/defy me for it. Perhaps the most popular tactic is to use their girlish charms on me - ask me nicely for the money, then bat their eyes and pout a little bit. And maybe, maybe that tactic would work if the girls were 5 years older, and looked like Ciara. But no, these are 15 year old Japanese girls, so it just has no effect.* Even if we were to ignore the 15-years old part (we can't, but just assuming we did) they're still Japanese girls who have the bodies of 12 year old Japanese boys. And for an unfortunate number of them, even when they do mature their bodies will only reach that of a 17-year old Japanese boy. Ladies - God hates you.
*The only, and I do mean only exception is Ultimate Sweetness. But since she is Sweetness, she'd never ask.
Sometimes however, the girls come up with methods that are a little more, uh, extreme.
Once, I was playing a betting game. I give the students a two-choice question, and they pick one choice and bet money on it. I give them $500 to start out. The first question I asked was - "Which is bigger? Japan, or California?" I love this question, because so many of the kids figure, "well, our entire *nation* has to at least be bigger than Az-sensei's home *state*, right?" WRONG! Eh heh heh heh, Gaijin Smashed.
With patriotism running high, lots of kids bet most if not all of their money on Japan. As did this one group of 5 girls one day, betting $400 of their $500 dollars. As I came by to collect, they gave me the puppy dog look, and when it immediately didn't work one of the girls tried reasoning with me. "You're not really gonna take the money away, are you?" I told them that I was, given how they'd lost the bet and all. At this point, the 5 girls literally throw themselves over the money, screaming "No!" One girl looks up at me and says, "You can do whatever you want to our bodies, but you're never taking our money!"

Please do keep in mind that this is *fake* money.

But ... wow. Betcha by golly wow, if'n that aint the first, and hopefully last time, I've had five girls offer up their virgin (probably) bodies for me to violate as I pleased in order to protect $500 worth of *fake* money. And remember, from the girls POV, it's not like they're sacrificing themselves in front of some Japanese dude, no. They're doing this in front of a huge black man. Including the threat of a slow, horrible, painful death, a lifetime of being kicked in the nuts over and over again, and being locked in a room and being forced to watch Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell make sweet, sweet love to each other, I can think of NOTHING that would EVER make me offer up my body to a black man twice my size to do with as he pleased.
And this is for FAKE money!
I stood with my arms crossed and glared at them, and they eventually caved and let me collect the $400. The one girl who tried to reason with me before, she held the $100 and looked at it with a sense of ultimate despair. She then turns to me and simply says, "don't worry, we'll get it back." And as she said this, the skies darkened, a thousand bunny rabbits died, and 4 My Little Ponies were euthanized and turned into Elmer's Glue.

Taken from GaijinSmash.net, "money, money, money"

1 comment:

SemiSpecial said...

that was entertaining