Eeyore: Depressed Donkey or Trans-species Mule

Only last week one of my friends told me, I would say in a very private setting, that although he is okay with me being gay he could not watch Dream Girls with me. His reason for this is that I had recently almost "gayed [him] out of existence." Of course I laughed at him. To think that by "quietly" acting out a scene from Dream Girls I could threaten some one's very existence was hilarious. (I will keep that performance as a secret weapon of sorts.

Anyway his little statement made me start thinking about how people see each other and how they see themselves. Specifically it made me think of Eeyore. You remember Eeyore, the lovable, melancholy, little, gray, with a tacked on tail (donkey)?

Is he a donkey? Or is he a mule who realized late in life that he was no longer able to accept himself as mule because deep down he always knew he was a donkey? Is he the first trans-species patient in history? I think so.

I've been trying to understand why he is so sad. I believe that the problem is in his self image. It is common knowledge that mules, being true half breeds, are sterile. The unholy offspring of a horse and a donkey will never know the joy of creating their own little mule family. Eeyore clearly wanted to date and that is why he underwent his operation as evidenced by his "tail."

Now it is my belief, as well as that of the Three M Organization, that Eeyore's operation while successful did not put an end to his self loathing. Although he looks like a donkey, he is still unable to produce with a donkey. This has led him to an unfulfilling career in the human adult film industry. He finds himself able to make a living extremely well in Mexico.

I have conducted a small scale independent study, I e-mailed most of my friends, about what they think Eeyore is: Donkey or Mule? The answer I received was overwhelmingly Donkey. (I also received one Ass. Thank you Mr. Howarth.) With so many people thinking that Eeyore is and has always been a donkey one would think he were happy. But I have it testimony from a very credible source that Eeyore still refers to himself in therapy sessions as a mule and because of this he is unhappy.

Eeyore's apparent lack of happiness in a life that seems to be incredibly successful to other people is not that uncommon. I even find that it extends to people. I have a friend, K_____, who seems to have everything going for her, but for some reason feels that she should stop everything she is doing to "examine" (please read as "create pointless drama about") several non-issues in her life. She broke with her boyfriend of seven years a couple of months ago and instead of being sad about it almost immediately jumped into the sack with not one, but two guys who just happen to both be good friends. (sounds like bad behavior, yeah?)

K______ also is losing a lot of weight and in my opinion looks great. So if she wanted to do a 10 hour long happy dance in front of Nagoya station I would be more than willing to provide her background music. She however feels that now is the time worry about what she feels. She thinks that nothing she feels is actually her own feelings because she has always been influenced by her friends. So now she doesn't feel that she can trust her own feelings until she can find a way to determine if her feelings are really her own.

If you didn't understand that join the club. I have been trying to tell K____ nicely to just get over it, but she doesn't hear me. She doesn't respect the words of her seer.

But K____ and Eeyore both illustrate my larger point....


I have one, but I don't know how to say it without sounding all preachy. I'm gonna go figure that out in another room.