It Finally Happened

For the first time in my life I forgot something that was really important.

My sister's birthday was yesterday and I forgot.

I didn't even get the idea to call her until about 4 in the morning today!

Well I think she'll be alright. We can just celebrate her birthday a week late like they do me. No biggy.

.....but why did I forget?

Let's see I think it is safe to say that i was completely enthralled in my self and my own problems. yep. I think that is it. Now that may be selfish...I guess, but when you really look at it it can't be selfish. No one is ever going to stop and ask how you are doing....and mean it. That type of thing is all up to you to regulate in your own way. Besides i have no one to shower my attentions on anyway. the last person just declared he doesn't want to speak to me again. So I'm left with myself and my friend Tina, who I am sure is getting tired of me sticking my nose into the personal matters of her life. I can't help it though.

I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, all my friends from high school either don't talk to me or they just moved off to some far of college. It's me that is here left to worry about me.

Now that isn't selfish in my eyes. That is just the truth. just choose to see it for what it is.

you know something that is really funny. My parents hate for me to get on the Internet. I'll tell you why later.

I give

I can't believe the nerve of this child. Tyrone, Hubert whatever the hell you want to call him may be older than me but he still acts like a child. I guess I am one of his favorite toys because he regularly throws me against a wall. Let me tell you exactly what I mean before I bore you to death.

Last night I logged on to the internet and was about to start talking to one of my friends but then decided to play a game and look up some stuff from my french class. About fifteen minutes after I logged on he sends me a note saying "by the way I did not want to talk to you anymore either." I have this weird feeling that he assumes I knew he was on the internet an that I got on with the sole intent of finding him out and talking to him. I sorry but this is not so.

I am so tired of him always assuming the worst about me. Saturday night I suggested to my friend that we go over to Mobile to see him because I did not know where his apartment was. When we got there he said "oh shit" when he saw me. I hadn't seen him in three weeks and the first thing he says is 'oh shit'. I was stunned, shocked, hurt , but I did not let him see that in my face. I just kept smiling like I always do and let the world know that everything is alright. Yep sure is.

Anyway, he acted all cold and mean to me for the rest of the night. I was so glad to see him at first but then I just wanted to leave. Well we finally did bring him back to his apartment, that when he decided he was going to try to tell Christina some little story about me.

I trusted him with some of the most important things in my life and then he makes jokes about them and uses them to threaten me. But, like always, I smiled and asked Christina to leave.

Sunday I got his little note. I sent him an e-mail to. I said that I was through with his childish games. I mean it this time to.

I broke our silence last time we were not talking......I won't do it again. I have finally given up. (smiling) and it feels good.

leech

You know by the time most people realize that they are a leech it is normally to late to do anything about it. You see the people who have been getting you by the leech are so used to the annoying prescence of the leech that they are actually shocked and offendee when the leech relizes that they have been a leech and decides to no longer be the leech. When the leech decides to live in its on its victims are left feeling alone because they no longer have the leech to thump around.

I have not the slightest idea where this is going.

stupid, STUPID

Let me tell you how this is going to happen. I am going to get dropped from my college algebra class. It is all my fault. *sob*

I am so stupid. I cannot help my self though. Once I start reading those stories I get so hot and horny that I cannot control my self. I was 20 minutes late to class because of it today. I was to nervous to go in late. So I did not go. This is the second time. If I miss again I will be dropped. So no more stories for me until.....I get a man.

On a more interesting note. I am reading the most incredulous book. Normally I would not label a work of non-fiction as incredible. A documentary finds it even harder, but this one has done the impossible and managed to keep me coming back and actually considering why gay people as a whole have been denied their place in history.

This book "Gay New York" is a summation of different developments in the gay culture of New York in the early twentieth century. It shows that contrary to popular belief we, gay people, have been around for a very long time, and it shows that we have been accepted for an equally long time and it is not until now that we have began to receive far more ridicule and hate than in prior years.

I love this book its pictures its ideas it's almost infinite supply of quotes and pictures is something that I never hoped to see from a book that was discussing Gays so openly. I am only used to essays or short articles that praise for a moment but are often filled with undertones of disgust for us. I believe everyone should read this book. Especially if they are not gay. This book is giving me hope in knowing that I am not just some random freak of nature but an actual part of the human existence. We should all read books like this. To get in touch with our past.....

oh my knee

I want to start this day of by saying, Damn you! Damn you Billy Blanks. And Damn your Tae-Bo madness to Hell. Send it all to Hell.

That bastard has made my knee start messing up again.(It is actually an old tennis injury but still you get the point.) My knee feels all shaky and hurts right in the middle of the cap. I blame you Billy Blanks. This is your doing. I still like Tae-Bo. There nothing quite like pretending to kick some one's ass and calling it exercise.

By the way: Should anyone know of any good job opportunities that do not involve selling my body tell me I'll do anything.

rain

I love rainy days. It's just so cool and pleasant and moist. It's actually kind of a sexual feeling, being totally encapsule in the cool yet warm embrace of the rain. Then feeling the moistness of its kiss against your neck. ooh it is very arousing. Very.

Anyway its been raining for about two days off and on now and I don't think I've ever slept better. I don't understand how people(that's the nuts sitting around me) can be forced inside and be made unhappy by such a marvelous event as a nice long winded thunderstorm that has to have its root in a hurricane somewhere in the Atlantic. I thought everyone would be like me and take this as a sign of the end of summer. The washing away of the dirt dust and grime that always comes to a summer in the south. Instead, they sit and wait and plead to God to make the sun come out. (weirdos)

i guess

I guess now is the time that I should make good on my first entry and provide you with some info on myself.....I guess.

Well let us see. I am an eighteen year old black male. I'm bi, but I think a few of you may have picked up on that already. I just started college. That's just about all I can think of off the top of my head. Well, wait! I like the colors blue, olive green, and black. These are the basic foundations for my wardrobe.(of course I would never wear blue and olive green. For those who don't know that is a crime punishable by death.) I'm a Taurus. I've never watched the sunrise or set. I'm just way to busy for such trivial things. I have been accused of rambling on and on for hours at a time about nothing in particular. I have been accused of being a witch, gay, a Jesus Freak, a activist for every cause, and drunken and/or high on several occasions. Let me add: I am way to much of a control freak to relinquish control of myself to any drug or person. I learned this after once being high and drunk one night. That's a different story....don't worry about it.

That's just about all you'll get out of me. I don't really have any spell binding stories to share with you because I am the most boring, maybe even perfect person you will ever meet, or that is the story that I read at the top of my lungs to the world.