A simple Sign

I'm sick. I think I have strep throat and hay fever. So a bitch can't sleep and my cravings for food have become pretty weak. Actually they have vanished. I'm eating out of necessity. I figured I would test my lack of cravings today (what else is a sick man to do but play with his body?) by eating only once. So this morning I had a lame as omelet and half a grilled cheese sandwich an like 3 liters of water. Really liters. The water was all before ten. I'm part camel or something. Anyway around 9pm tonight I reached a conclusion:

You know you've let your hunger cravings go far beyond acceptable levels when you start mistaking them for involuntary bowel movements.

Yes, diarrhea. I was so hungry that I thought, believed that I had suddenly developed violent diarrhea.

Of course I didn't, but I did not realize that until I had excused myself from class to "blow my nose" (read "check my ass"). I generally don't like fluids leaving my body unless certain conditions are met:

Sweat>>> with sports
Tears>>> moments of extreme emtional or physical distress
Piss>>>> the fucking men's room or those odd male bonding moments
Cum>>> in preceense and result of hard work of cute man or men

Those are the only four liquids that are acceptable. Liquid or solid shit would result in either spontaneous death or me leaping onto and airplane back to the US with whatevr the fuck I was carrying. Pencil, ruler, wad of paper. It could be the most mudane thing in the world and that would be all I would have to show of my time in Japan... and a poo stain.

It would be a catastrophe. Which is why sudden violent diarrhea is somewhat high on my suicide worthy list.

Don't worry. For the suicide worthy list to even become a factor in my life I would have had to experince no less than 1 months of depression and recently been gang raped by a herd of midget transvetite women.

So don't worry.