Buying condoms in this country is embarrassing. Not because of the simple fact that you're buying condoms, and your heavily diluted puritan upbringing has made you feel that sex and anything related to it is shameful. Oh no. Buying condoms and lube is embarrassing because of all the fan fare that goes into it.

First finding condoms in a Japanese pharmacy for the first time is like looking for gold in the Colorado River minus the Hoover Dam. You'll be washed away in beauty products long before you find anything of use. Actually odds are you'll walk by the condoms six times and swear on multiple visits that they do not sell them. The trick to actually seeing the condoms is to look for cigarettes. Condoms are so "embarrassing" here that they disguise them as everything but. I once bought a pack of condoms that said "Menthol" on the box.

Secondly, once you've decided on your box of cigarettes and have wandered up to the counter and exchanged dirty looks with the made-up whores ( how was I to know that I had a strange assortment of goodies: condoms, lube, body wash, face soap, and toilet paper.) the clerk gives you a look like, "Oh my god! You're buying these now?!" (please imagine him as gay and lisping with his hand permanently attached to his chest in an "oh my stars" manner.) Then rings up your shit at lightning speed and flings it into the brightest, most blinding, and most annoying pink bag I or you have ever seen. This bag is like neon or some shit.

Anyway he puts that bag in another bag and hands it to you after you pay of course.

Seems like a lot of work, yeah?

Not really. But it just seems like the condom search is too difficult. Every pharmacy is different. And in truth the condoms don't fit. Well not normal sized people. but they fit the Japanese so that is cool. The condoms are not even long enough. What the fuck is that?