If I understand correctly most bears are not really all that big. (by "all that big" I mean smaller than a gorilla.) In my dream that bear that chases me is pretty small and kinda nimble. Like he lumbers and kinda stomps, but still is able to navigate the halls of my church without doing any lasting damage to the walls or floors.
Oh, yes! This dream takes place in my church on a particularly crowded day. The sanctuary and the annex are both full. I start in the sanctuary in a bit of a daze. I haven't actually listened to a sermon in church in the last 9 or 10 years. Suddenly the bear bursts through the front door and starts calling my name. Yes, the bear talks. When I see the bear I, like every one else in the church, scream loudly and start running.
Now I mentioned that the bear was nimble, but still lumbered. Well he didn't really do either one of those at this point in the dream. He just kinda came crashing through all of the people trying to get to me. It was a massacre. Truly horrible. Not at all worthy of writing about here.
Eventually I made my way to the back of the church, which for some reason was completely empty. I ran into the bathroom to try to hide. The bear found me almost immediately and then began to say some things to me. I can't remember what it said, but I do remember that I felt an overwhelming urge to get away.
So I did.
I ran out the door of the bathroom and down the hall. I could hear the bear's loud steps and heavy breathing behind me. I crashed through a door at the end of the hall and saw my father and a group of men having dinner, and then I woke up.
I actually had that dream a few nights ago. It seemed much more horrible then.
Dreams are supposed to mean some thing, right?
Well I've been trying to figure out what this dream means and I have reached a conclusion. I think the dream is just stress. *tada!*
When I go home for Christmas I want to tell my family that I am gay. I know some people think that is impossible for your parents to not already know that you're gay. I think that is some crap. A dismissed suspicion does not constitute explicit knowledge. I think my parents may have dismissed the suspicion a few times.
Once after finding some pictures of me cupping a guy's ass and staring seductively into a camera my dad asked if I was gay. I was 16 and did the only thing that I knew how to do well back then. I lied. I claimed we were just playing and that I had just taken the pictures so that no one else would see them. He bought it and that crisis was averted. What bothers me about that incident is the way that my father asked me about it. My father is a big man. He exudes a very large presence whenever he is in the room.
When he asked me he seemed very small. He quietly called me into his room and all but whispered that he had found the pictures in my car. He seemed really disturbed and worried.
I am afraid that my family will not respond well to my announcement. Actually I am pretty sure that they are going to scream and force me to pray. I don't want to do that, but I can probably deal with it. I was raised in the church so that kinda stuff feels normal for me.
I am most worried about their long term reactions. My uncle on my father's side of the family is an alcoholic war veteran and he has drug and alcohol induced schizophrenia or something . My father loves him (i think) but loathes his presence. Whenever my uncle is around my father is constantly commenting on the fact that he is not married, never has owned a house, or how he can't seem to keep a job. My dad believes that if you're not married you are not a real man.
I really don't want that turned on me. I don't want to eventually take my uncles place at family gatherings.
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