Yesterday, as is my habit, I did some thinking on the train. I started thinking about my future. I seems that many of the people in my life are all getting married or just finding that dream career. I am not.
I think my life my be stalling a little. I'm kinda ok with my job now and I'm not really worried about getting married... that's a lie. I want to get married. But I want to be happy too and I don't really see myself as being happy with a woman. Not for long anyway. I can't be happy if I think my happiness is making someone sad.
how long can I stay in japan really. I've spoken with many people and they make it seems like staying in japan is basically putting the rest of their life on hold. They say things like I have to get back to real life. I've heard that so many times. Am I living in a dream here? Am I strange for not really being able to imagine a life to run back to? I have a few friends back home, but the way I see it they are all slowly getting into fly away mode. If I return home they may not be there. So should I run back to bid them farewell? I don't have a potnetial mate waiting for me. Work doesn't really make me happy. I can't really think of a career that I want. Work does not do it for me. Am I lazy? Maybe, but I just want to live. Living, doing things, being out and about the world makes me happy. I think I'll have to create my career myself. Should I go back home to do that. I'm not close to my family... well I'm close and being far away is a bit of a strain, but that strain is easily done away with by making a simple phone call.
What will I be doing in five years? Five years ago I was chilling in Moss Point, going to the local community college, trying to convince my friend that the guy she was trying to set me up with had horrifying baby teeth and no I'm sitting in a room in fucking Japan trying to fight whatever the hell this demon in me is. I have a cold... a japanese cold. I can't handle this. I don't know how. Maybe I'll go to the doctor. As of yesterday I am officially insured. Yay me.
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