Sugar induced rambling

I read, maybe recently, that when you are depressed you start to crave sweet things. Today I can't stop eating candy. For me this is really rare. I like candy, but can "forget" for months at a time that it even exists. I don't think I'm depressed I just haven't been doing anything strenous in a while. I have lots of built up energy. You would think this would manifest itself as me being antsy. It does. I can barely sleep lately and today I looked up and found myself wandering around random parts of the city. I need to do something.


Tomorrow is national sports day. I'm going to the movies. I'll be going with some friends. We're gonna see Lady In the Water. I want to see it, but I was told today, by a very adamate source that I should not see the movie because its crap or something to that effect. This source was very convinvicing and now I'm thinking of mnot seeing the movie. Since tomorrow is national sports day and all I think iI should go bowling. I like bowling. But I don't think it would be very easy to convince my friends to go. Maybe one of them would like it. He's this cute Japanese-Portuguese guy. He would be down. But my other friend just doesn't seem like the bowling... runiing.. moving quickly type. She'll require some work. Or I could go to this kickboxing dojo that I saw on the other side of town. King Muay. Thailand kickboxing. It just maks my face and shins tingle thinking about it. I want to do something that is a little painful. I think I'm getting to soft. I don't consider myself a realy tough person, but I know that I'm not a push over either. I want to take kickboxing so I can feel my edge again. Like I'm an athlete or somethign cool.


hmm... I was gonna say something else, but I forgot.

At work yesterday I tried to get my students to talk about Brokeback Mountain. Not to advance my personal gay agenda (I don't have one. At least not one that extends to changing the minds of the rest of the world.) I was curious about why the movie was never shown in the theaters here. It got so much priase in our country and I think in a few others, but here it was quietly slipped onto the shelves of my local movie rental store. They advertise everything here, but I haven't seen a single adertisement for Brokeback. At any rate, I was only able to get my students to say that it is embarrassing to have a gay person in your family and that Japan just isn't ready for something so controversial and then they shut down. Like completely. They were silent and looking down and then I switched the conversation to scary movies and they popped right ot life. I am so tired of talking about fucking scary movies. I would like to talk to a foreign person, hell, a japanese person about something more substantial than my ability or inability to eat natto. Natto is gross. Why don't they understand that?

Anyway, I guess the way they just shut down made me think of my parents. I imagine them doign that when I tell them I'm gay or maybe they'll scream and curse (my mother) and try to beat me up (my father) before praying loudly and then shutting down. At any rate, I was unsettling. Once when I was about to tell my parents my older sister, she knows I'm gay but pretends its a phase and won't metion it unless I do, told me that my parents wouldn't want to hear about that. I think that is the attitude that Japan takes on it. Its too controversial for them, but near public prostitution is ok. Strange, neh?