Superpost 9/7/06

Here is something that has come up on several occasions, which I assume demonstrates the depth of my daily conversations. How does Superman fly.Sure, a lot of people are willing to just chalk it up to ‘super powers’ but that doesn’t explain the mechanics behind it. This started because I was basically wondering how he controls his flight. He often sticks his hands out in front of him, but they obviously do not propel him as he often carries things. Perhaps his hands act as stabilizers when they are free, but little else.The propulsion must come, then, from his hind quarters, perhaps his legs. I would like to point out that Superman often hovers and moves his legs around which, if they were keeping him in the air, would disturb his position. I think from this we can conclude that it is not his legs which actually keep him in the air.What’s left? Unfortunately, his butt. I conclude that Superman propels himself through the air with his butt. Perhaps using his butt like a jet engine he releases controlled bursts, focusing his sphincter to increase speed etc, using the rest of his body for pitch and attitude control.This theory does work quite well, it takes into account the fact that Superman is free to use his limbs while flying and gives him the ability to increase speed at will.Does Superman have unlimited fart power? Well, he can blow really hard with his mouth, so I am assuming he has enough control over his body to take in air through his nose or mouth and divert it to the appropriate areas for use as needed.You may be crass enough to think that this would then lead to a super stink, but being Superman he may be able to control the smell, thus leaving the world smelling minty fresh as he flies past, or even the chemical that is released, like something that repairs the ozone layer.He is Superman, so I figure that is possible.There are a lot of refuting theories, because people don’t like to think about Superman farting his way across the globe, but every other theory I have heard has been a real stretch.

taken from NinjaLicker.com