Damn Christmas

It has done it again. This Christmas monster has drained my bank account, stolen my wallet, and left me feeling all poetical and ooey, gooey, disgusting. But now that i think I returning to my old self. The New Year is about to roll around and ALLS I WANT IS SOMETHING OR SOMEONE TO DO! Am I asking to much? Is it fucking wrong to want to go to New Orleans to chill with a drunken mob of strangers. Maybe get groped and robbed(again and again)and possibly laid as a way to bring in the fucking New year. Is that so wrong?

Apparently so. AT the mention of going to New Orleans my parents have repeatedly SCREAMED no. "NO, you are to young." "no TJ New Orleans is for grownups" "NO, the discussion is closed." Well I don't need them anyway.

Maybe I go down to the pawnshop buy a gun and shoot bullets dangerously close to my neighbors house while drinking some yet to be named alcoholic beverage. Maybe I'll have sex on the lawn while my neighbors children stand spellbound with big greasy chicken legs in there hands. Or maybe I can just put my foot on my fucking gas pedal and go any damn way. Maybe that would be wise.

Christina has told me the most charming news. Tyrone has a new "friend". How nice. How perfectly nice. Very thought provoking stuff this is. I'm happy for him. Really Really happy. Can you feel my teeth cutting through the sides of my mouth as I smile.....HAPPILY.

Honestly I'm jealous. I need someone but I'm to weird and to restrained and just to fucking frightened to go get someone. My manager Eddie could hook me up, but i have a strange feeling that my parents would have a problem with me hanging out with a 34 year old openly gay man. Hell. They might even start to wonder about me. Oh GOD how would I live through that. Why don't I get a fucking prescription so I can sleep at night.

Lately I've had the weirdest dreams right before I wake up.

Like last night Mary J. Blige came into my dream and told me that abortion and fornication were wrong. Yep Mary herself came in and held a book in front of my fact and I saw abortion and fornication. I then used the rest of that dream to try and justify why they were right and necessary. I can't really remember if she said anything else but i do know that Laryn Hill was singing Zion in the background.

Imagine that. Me with an album called the soundtrack of the not so popular persons dreams. I think it would sell. God! I need a good scandal about me.

My life has been so normal ever since I graduated high school.

For once I know that no one is looking at me and actually giving a rat's ass. You know I'm probably wrong but please don't destroy my mood.

Goin' to bed? I am......