I am...

...officially one of them. An Axe. In my search to find a fragrance that can handle my manly american musk with force, yet not drive people away in coughing fits I have until now been unsuccessful. Japan just doesn't believe people stink. Well not in a stinky way.

As I've mentioned before, these people do not sweat. They glisten. My boyfriend has helped me prove my theory. I walked him with him in the middle of the day once. The temperature was very high and the the humidity level was high as always. I immediately started to sweat bullets and then rivers. His skin started to produce this sheen that made it look like he had just been rubbed down with baby oil and then he started to sparkle. He never sweated. He shined. He sparkled. He glistened. He smelled good. After getting back inside and stopping the flow of the river going down my back I realized that I had an odor. He didn't. Well he actually spelled lightly of salt water.

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE JAPANESE!!!

...but the world is already aware of that truth. So I decided to try to cheap odor alternatives here. Aerosol deodorant. Yes, that environmentally safe solution to funk. I tried the Japanese offerings (Gatsby, Shiseido, and some company that after one spray I threw in the trash.) and immediately found them all lacking. They make zero attempt to stop sweating, and since I smelled of something more rotten than sea water there odor blocking abilities only lasted as long as the next time I stepped outside.

There is hope though. Axe is becoming popular here. America is looking out for me. I had seen the commercials for Axe in America before I left and had just figured it all to be hype. No spray is gonna make a woman drape herself around you and scream for instant penetration. (I'd sue that nasty bitch anyway.) I was right. I have yet to feel feminine weight, but, more importantly, I smell good. GOOD DAMMIT!!! No embarassing funk that forces me to do a penguin walk to the bathroom. (Yes, I have washed my armpits between classes. I refuse to stink dammit.)

I am offocially an Axe. I love them. My man loves it too. I think the Axe effect works on him too. That is a different story though.