And it Happens Again

I think I purposefully set my self up for things like this.

I decided not to go to Mobile because my mother is going to call from Jackson sometime tonight. I'm not really sure when but I know she will. If I'm not at home to get that phone call she will be really upset and start calling repeatedly. There goes a fun night with Christina.

Maybe. Maybe I can convince some people to come over. Not for a party or anything but you know just to have fun. That will probably never happen. I'm way to boring and timid to ask anyone to come over to my house.

I won't be having sex with Trevis any time soon. He has a boyfriend. Isn't that nice. He won't come over and try to screw me. I should have known this would happen. The minute I start to actually consider having sex with him he goes and gets a man.

You know I think I was using Trevis as a back-up plan. You know in time of severe drought you can always call Trevis. I'm so stupid. Maybe selfish. I need to get someone. Really bad.

Do you know that last night as I was talking to Trevis I made the statement that maybe i need to change a few things. He totally agreed. He gave me something of a list of things I need to do:

1. Go out more.

2. At least pretend to not be shy sometimes. (He claims that I tend to black out sometimes and totally disregard the people and the world around me. My reply, I can't help it if I hear music in here sometimes.)

3. He says i need to dress better....A lot better.

These are things that i already know. I dress terribly, I ignore people sometimes, I stay in way to much. But there only so much I can do with my parents being so close to me. That is probably just an excuse.

Anyway, Trevis told me some more news. It seems that Ryan is talking about our little escapade in Oklahoma. Someone asked why he and Trevis are no longer friends. He replied that it is because of something Trevis did on a church trip. I don't know what else he said, but I'm still going to talk to him. I'll try to reach him before Trevis tries to kill him. I'll try to remember that this is all here say but it will be hard.

I think I'm growing tired of playing ambassador for those two. I think I might have to drop the both of them for a little while at least. They give me way to much stress.

This whole badly, dressed ambassador thing i do is probably my own fault. I think I purposefully set myself up to be left all alone. All my friends are pairing off and I'm left here chilling, quietly in a corner. Maybe i can put some paint on it.