Problem

The only problem with going to school on such a small campus is that the chances of you seeing someone you know are way to high. I see tons and tons of people I knew from high school like everyday. I don't like that. i pass up chances to flirt everyday. I guess I'm still afraid to have my name dragged down main street so all the neighbors can come out and throw rotten tomatoes at me, but i want to live. Maybe the only impossible dream for me is the one where I'm me and the neighbors and my parents love me for it.

I saw the most interesting movie the other day. "the edge of seventeen" Gay movie? Yes. Poorly written? Yes. Striking material? Yes. There was one seen of the movie where this guy came out to his mother. She hugs him and walks away saying she doesn't know how to handle this.

That is what I'm afraid of. I don't want to have to hear that. i can't hear that. I've worked very hard to be who i am now. i don't need a word from my mother to put me back in Junior high. All quiet scared to let anyone touch me. i don't need that again. I don't need to feel like shit...again. So I wait. i count the moments until i feel she has been prepare enough to handle it. With my father I'll just try to learn all that i can from Billy Blanks and hope Tae-Bo serves me well.

Anyway, a friend of mine, Tracy, we made a silly little bet that one of us would get this guy we work with to come to our house first. Well she won but she told Tuan(that is his name, pronounced Twon) about the bet. Well she says she told him we had a bet but not the exact basis of it.

At work last night he says I owe Tracy a thousand dollars. I'm like for what. He says cause she won the bet. I stopped and thought for a moment....what bet? When I realized i was kinda shocked but I managed to not show that. Just more like pleasant surprise. Anyway Tuan got off and came back to rent some movies. I messed up on the money a little bit and called the manager over. he fixed it and left. As I was giving Tuan his money back he says I know about you. I was shocked. I think my eyes gave that away.

I hate my eyes. If eyes are a window to the soul, will someone please help me pick out some curtains. He probably could tell how shocked, horrified, worried I was. If he knows about me I think it will be very hard working around him for a while. I did not want to bring this into my new job but maybe it is for the best. Maybe not.

Dammit who the hell does my eyes work for? I say look calm and cool they go showing worry. I think it is time to invest in some shades.